Easy to Make Friends, Difficult to Keep Them
So, I'm in a bit of a pickle when it comes to keeping friends in real life.... I keep making friends with the wrong crowd of people, or simple people I'm not compatible with [ex. They do hard drugs, I don't. They claim that they don't have ANY hobbies, I do. They go to bars all the time, I only go occasionally...]. I currently only have one "friend" in real life...who hardly texts [ex. He 'claims' he has insecurities and is a bad texter, but I'm starting to smell BS], shows up late all the time, or completely breaks his promises. He keeps apologizing profusely, but it's getting annoying. When we used to hangout though, it was nice. For now, I give up on texting him and I give up on making plans. I don't care anymore if he's my friend or not, I don't like to waste time on people who show little to no effort.
I've also had friends in the past, that would either a) Complain about our job all day, exuding negativity b) Talk negatively DOWN on me or/and c) Use me for something they need [ex. Car ride, money, etc].
Ever since I moved to this particular state/city, I've had a hard time keeping friends. I've made many friends, but not all are quality. Once I leave a job, we lose contact and hardly talk anymore. I'm a country gal myself, I like people who are more upfront and blunt with me. I don't like playing stupid mind games. Just TELL me you don't feel like hanging out, it won't hurt my feelings. TELL me that our friendship isn't working out. Say SOMETHING. Or dont. I'd rather they ghost me then keep my hopes up about our friendship. I just don't care anymore...I just HATE wasting time. I don't have time anymore based on personal/legal stuff happening in my life. I don't have a lot of time for that reason. If I make time for you, that means I made the effort, despite having a busy schedule.
I have an easier time keeping online friends rather than in real life, but those online friends and I share common interests/hobbies. We meet on language exchange apps, and chat about everything under the sun. Sometimes, making friends in the beginning is difficult, because you go through a sea of messages, and some people aren't really looking for a deep connection, they're just saying "hi" out of boredom. But once you make that connection, it's beautiful and awesome having a friend you can talk about anything to. The only problem?... They're ALL the way in a different country...
Anyone else have the same issue of being about to MAKE friends easily in real life, but having a hard time KEEPING said friends?
@ImpudentIncognito
Oh yes I hear you and relate so much, it's really hard keeping up with friends
I guess everyone gets busier with their life and then it's difficult making out time for each other
I'm not sure if I am a good friend too I tend to isolated so much sometimes ☹
Anyway I do hope you can try staying in touch with some of your close friends through different social media and phone too if possible
To be honest...now that I'm in a better mood than from when I made my post, I feel bad about what I said towards my one good friend.
Similar to you, I have isolated myself from others in the past due to anxiety/depression. I'm being a hypocrite complaining about said friend...He's been going through a lot of stuff lately too[ex. legal, family issues/emergencies, etc]. I need to be more empathetic.
I'm going to try harder to not give up so easy. I need to control my anxiety. I'm also going through some legal/family issues as well, and it's taking a HUGE toll on me...I'm in therapy now[not through here though] and it's helped.
Thank you for your kind words @Optimisticempath! :)
@ImpudentIncognito
Aw glad things are better in terms of how you perceive them as a friend now, but how you felt when you made the previous post is valid too
We can change our course of action when we become aware of new information , it is okay to feel bad too but you are so thoughtful for wanting to become more empathetic for your friend and I am so proud of you for willing to try harder for your anxiety also 🤗
Yes, I can relate and understand... p.s. if you are in the US, this makes a lot of sense to me. Nothing against any particular country I guess, but I do feel that, just becausee of who I am and my personal circumstances, I definitely have had to jump through hoops to find people, or maybe, I haven't been looking the right places. To be quite honest with you, I will be honest. I gave up a long time ago and started focusing on other things to avoid getting hurt. However, I admit this it not idea. I do plan on changing this... meeting people is easy, but meeting the right people, and well, for me, I can't stand feeling obliged to someone. I have 4000 things I like to do alone also, and I do enjoy my own company. Maybe that is what the problem is.
Anyhow, I'm about to head out now. I wish you good luck, hope you can find some hobbies and things you enjoy, that way you might be able to meet the right people for you.
This is soooo me right now and has been for a very long time. I am so glad I am not the only one. I also find it very easy to meet people but very hard to keep them. It just feels as though a lot of people are full of 💩everywhere.
I am being honest. I am not too picky when it comes to friends and I am very loyal, it’s just that people I have met have turned out to not be who they say they are. I promise the problem is not me. I guess I have just not been lucky lately.
I am a good time, I love to party, go out, dress up etc. I just can’t find anyone to party with. By the way I just moved to a new city 5 months ago.
In my home country I don’t have friends either. I must be the problem. Maybe there is something I need to evaluate. But I do know I am a very good friend but I just can’t allow myself to be friends with just anyone who comes around. Many people have misrepresented themselves to be who they are not just to be my friend and of course when I find out I always change course.
I’m just tired. 😕
I totally can relate to you! It is quite a frustrating feeling. Some times there are days I feel like I am a misfit in my social circle. Part of it is because I committed a major faux pa by becoming obsessed with a guy in my friend circle, and I reacted badly when he didn't return my feelings. I have learned a lot since then, but I still feel that some of my friends turn away from me whenever I try to be myself or when I say no.
Ah don’t get me started with the perfection people expect us to show outwardly as if they themselves have been perfect. I notice no one gives you room for mistakes. It’s fierce out there! No room for errors because it will follow you everywhere for at least 5 years. But you know what? You be fiercer! Don’t back down. Live your best life and forgive yourself. Eff em…and see how happier you will be.
I am glad you say you have learnt your lesson because there is no such thing as “no regrets”. We are only human and we all make mistakes.
The more you push yourself to be free even when you don’t feel it inside, still outwardly living freely as though nothing happened, the stronger you will become.
I’m tired of letting others have the final say!