I need help coping with a manipulative friend
Hi all, I'm dealing with an extremely stressful time in my life. It has been a really hard year. My best friend and roommate was diagnosed with breast cancer.
While she was dealing with this she was in an on-again off-again relationship that is extremely tumultuous, all she's done for the past 10 months is complain about him, for various reasons and in great detail. (More detail than most people share with even their therapist) Anyway, he wanted to move in with us when we suddenly discovered he had a crippling debt, I had to veto that to protect our financial situation and our shared living space. They broke up shortly after because he had lied to her about it too, so when she told me she was thinking about getting back together with him again I told her she should trust her heart. But I told her that I wouldn't be involved, I didn't need to know every detail of their relationship and I wasn't keen on being around him.
When my grandfather died in September is when she started seeing him again and since then she's been rude and distant to me and our friends. She doesn't seem to care that I'm grieving. She keeps forcing us into situations with him even though we've asked her to respect our space, meanwhile she ignores any issues we might be going through, she's mean and vindictive. She has already cut ties with all our other friends but I live with her and we've been friends for 5 years... Do I just throw all that away?
It sounds like she has already thrown it all away, and you are trying to hang on to a relationship with her that, in reality, no longer exists.
Of course, things have changed for understandable reasons. There have been terrible, stressful events in both your lives. The inevitable result is that neither of you is in the same place you once were, in happier times.
When you say you need help coping, that kind of makes it sound like you feel you are trapped in this situation and your duty is to cope. But I wonder whether you really do have that duty.
@Kvanhee
@RarelyCharlie you're not wrong, I appreciate your response. Change happens quickly and I can't stop it, I know that. It's just hurtful that she feels the need to tear apart 5 years of friendship to move on instead of recognizing that we had a good thing and going our separate ways amicably. But you're right I should let it go and start caring for myself.
@Kvanhee
have you tried talking to her to find out why shes acting the way she is? she could be feeling angry that you no longer wish to listen to her relationship problems anymore it does sound like shes angry for some reason all anyone can do is guess why until you ask and she says why shes angry telling people how you feel and finding out how they feel just prevents misunderstandings and misunderstandings are bound to happen when that doesnt happen so if you havent had a calm talk with her yet to find out why shes acting the way she is and tell her how you feel that might be a good idea to do that .... also i wonder what you meant when you said " She keeps forcing us into situations with him even though we've asked her to respect our space " how does she force you into situations with him does she invite him over and allow him to be in a common area that is shared outside of her room ? just curious as to what you meant by that its sounds like a really frustrating situation i dont know if the friendship can be saved but you have been friends for a long time