i feel like my friend is toxic but i can't tell
I have this really close friend. We will call her amy. Amy and I have been really close since we were in elementary school. Even through thick and then we have stayed friends. But since the end of last school year she has seemed distant. I feel like she toys with me and is a friend with me out of pity. She has new friends and is really close with them which i'm okay with. It's just the fact that she is so different around them than me. He never wants to take a picture with me but always is in photos with her other friends. She never invites me to things. She says that i shouldn't be feeling like we are drifting apart just because she hangs out with new people and that she lets me talk to others. This of which i completely agree. But when let's say i'm with her and her new friends i'm like a stranger. Sometimes out of no where she will be a complete meanie (can't curse) to me and i try to ask what's wrong but she ends the conversation quickly. I feel lost and hopeless and alone. I don't know where i stand in our relationship and i feel like it's all crumbling she is always hiding her phone and i just don't understand. I do admit i have gotten nosy and peaked over her shoulder to see what was the commotion but she caught me and lost trust which i understand. But the problem seems to always to be me. In all the years that i have been friends with her she has not really mentioned anything personal. She hasn't really shared anything it's just been surface level. I feel really one sided and don't know what to do. Aita? is it amy? she's really off and on and i'm loosing hope in find new friends since i live in a close knit community where everyone knows everyone and everything.
@selfconfidentGrapes2206
From what you describe it is HER .....not you..... she acts differently around new people because that is what she portrayed to them ... these types seldom give details and share backgrounds with others because what IF you and new person compared notes and her stories began to unravel.
@selfconfidentGrapes2206
Hii theree. I can see that you're going through a deep emotional turmoil within you. It's really tough to be in a friendship where you feel uncertain and disconnected, especially when you two have a long history of friends spanning way way back.
It's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused by the changes you've noticed in your friendship.
Friendship, like any other relationship naturally evovle over time. It can be changeling though when those changes leads leaving you feeling like an outsider to her other friendships.
It's clear that you've tried to bridge the gap and maintain your bond despite the challenges. Please know that it's not selfish to seek understanding and reassurance in your relationships.
Remember, you deserve genuine connections and friendships where you feel valued and understood 💜
@selfconfidentGrapes2206
I was caught off guard by this because I've experienced a similar situation except I was more like Amy.
I was exclusive friends with this one girl I'll call Lily for three or so years during a really bad depression and as an extrovert, closing myself off to one person just made it worse. so the second I made friends i felt like could talk to, I clung to them for dear life and was nervous around Lily. Still am. Lily held on as if I wasn't allowed to make new friends, and this was exactly how my parents responded to me making more friends too, and I couldn't escape it I felt- so I just slowly stopped talking to Lily and my parents. All we did when we were together was stuff she wanted to do anyway and she always seemed angry about the smallest things other people did, so I just felt freeer. But I wasn't fair in just disappearing, it was immature of me and mean and while I felt justified, I still hold a lot of remorse for this thing I can't really fix.
I don't really know what my point is but she could be healing from a lot of invisible hurting, and your closeness could just remind her of it, and she might just need some time. It's very specific but I felt I should throw it out there just in case.
Now ignore my story and how I related it in my head. she's not being fair. If she has issues with you she needs to talk to you, and while that's her responsibility you might consider opening a discussion with what's happening with the friendship and what you can do and what she can do.
Theres my messy advice :)