Advice please
Does anyone have advice on cutting a toxic sibling out of your life? In my situation they live in the house next door, I have this cycle of not saying much and dealing with their toxicity and then after a while I go back to be a supportive, caring sibling, and acting like everything's okay before inevitably they will start back in with toxicity or some problem arises, I am just ready to be done with it once and for all, I'm sick of my mental health and well-being being threatened and I'm sick of the bs causing problems at my house, I'm also sick of using "spoons" to try to be a good supportive sibling when nothing is ever reciprocated and for me to be dragged down and made to feel like garbage even after all I do.
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind
So you know to avoid them and stay clear but ... you let down this boundary to be supportive only to be burned again.....
Can i ask WHY keep trying .... would you do this if they were not related? My guess is NO ..... someone or something is telling you something like " they are Family" ........ " They would not be that way if only you would .....Insert task here"
Family is NOT a get away with being a jerk regardless with what other say....
Thanks for your response, it is just hard because she lives in the house next to me and my toxic mom likes to make me deal with her instead of getting up to interact with her on her own. I'm terrible at being assertive and speaking up for myself but I'm trying.
It's tough bc you are so close. I do not talk to my sister now for almost 5 years. She accused me of sleeping with her man. My friend was dating him first and my sister decided to get in between them. I don't want to see her or even care about her wellbeing. She is liar and don't want her near me ever.
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind That's rough that you're in that situation, sorry you're dealing with that! I have 3 siblings and cut off contact with 2 of them, whom were unhealthy parts of my life...I came from an abusive household and want to leave the past behind. I'm limited contact with the oldest, as he's fine, but he is still in contact with my abusive parents and hasn't moved out onto his own yet...I live alone with my child. There's a possibility I might have to cut contact with him, because I don't want ANYTHING to do with my parents after what they did to me...
Anyways, onto the suggestion part -- If you live alone (next to toxic sibling and toxic mother), you might want to consider moving FAR away from them, so you don't have to deal with them anymore. If for some reason, you aren't able to move at this time until you have your ducks in a row first, then perhaps sending them a letter/text stating that for your own mental health, you need a break from the relationship?
I usually word it as:
"Hey, I just wanted to let you know I am going through some personal things lately, and need some space/alone time, so I may not be as communicative for awhile, but I will let you know when". [If you don't want to give a specific timeline]
If you feel they will push you into being communicative with you:
"Please respect my boundaries, if you continue to force your way into my life, I will have no choice but to cut contact with you completely/call the police if you get onto my property again when I advised against it. I would really appreciate it if you gave me my space, thank you." and I would recommend getting a restraining order if they keep trying to push their way into your life and disrespecting your boundaries...
Ultimately...the farther away you are from toxic/abusive people, the better you will feel. I am 1,000+ kilometers away from my abusive parents who physically, verbally, and SA me. Currently, I am dealing with stalker situations and have an ex-fiancé who nearly made me unalive in this city, so I have a restraining order against him. I'm moving out of this city, hopefully FAR away from all of this crap and starting a new life where I feel I can breath. I'm currently working towards a new career path that will allow me to get to where I want to be. I also plan on installing cameras in my next home and taking further safety precautions this time around. Might get protection/guard dogs as well to feel safer while living alone with the little one and hope that I have a nice privacy fence at next place.
I wish you luck and hope all goes well!