Anxiety + Limerence please help
I’m a 31-year-old man with no real serious dating experience, and I’m struggling with intense limerence/attachment toward a woman I know through work.
I want to be clear that I don’t want to cross any boundaries or make things uncomfortable for her. I’m trying to handle this responsibly and keep it contained. But emotionally, it has become very painful.
She is getting married in July, and that hurts more than I expected. I know she has her own life, her own relationship, and her own future. I know I’m not entitled to anything from her. But I still feel a deep sense of loss, jealousy, grief, and despair around it.
Part of the issue is that she feels unusually significant to me. I see her as intelligent, logical, grounded, emotionally sharp, and hard to replace. I worry that I’ve idealised her, but the feelings still feel real. It makes me feel like no one else will compare, and that I’ve somehow missed my chance at something important. Let me know if you have any thoughts on this
@Bluesman15
Limerence is like that...... the feeling can be very strong and feel real but in some cases like yours are only one sided. The fact she is getting married soon is a clear indicator that the relationship we envisioned in our head was not realistic.
You can admire in this person some qualities that you would like in a future relationship with someone. This person showed you what you may be looking for...... but she is not the only person ever because a real future is having someone feel the same type feelings towards us.
Relationships and dating are hard. it takes risk of rejection and some trial and error, limerence is easier because we never imagine the downside or flaws.
I know, I never meant to fall for her like this. From the start I knew she was engaged and unavailable. I remember she said, "well maybe I've come to show you something you could have in the future." But I'm not sure if that is truly possible. She has a distinct look, a distinct personality, a distinct laugh. Never in my life have I ever felt that. Its just hurts to know that I feel my life is stalled and lacking compared to hers. I wish I could find someone of my own but I'm not sure I can.
@Bluesman15
I have watched many people in my life struggle with finding love or their person. I feel many are not open or really ready because they may feel it is like shopping where you have a preset idea and will not even see the possibility in anything else.
my partner and I have lasted to what seems like forever, because a connection that if I only based on looks or checklist, I may have missed out.
Maybe people never find their person. Im thinking that maybe I will be single forever. I am 31 and I feel like I probably won't find my person. It's a grief but probably true. I don't think I will find someone like her and it is kind of over for me when it comes to companionship. Maybe there will be meaning in other things but it still feels awful.
Hii! Just want you to know you are not alone, I completely understand this. I am in the same boat as you, but the guy I like is most likely gay 😔 but even if he is not, I don’t think I will be the chosen one for him.
To think that no matter how good you are or how kind you are, you are still not chosen is very hurt. I am in a total internal chaos and I can barely manage it at work. So I understand you.