Apathetic boyfriend
I had a boyfriend in college for 4 years. He was my first boyfriend and i was his first girlfriend. When i broke up with him, he got traumatized by the break up. He got lost and was really hurt. He learned to numb his feelings to no longer feel pain. We're back together now but he's struggling with his apathy. Nothing can make him sad anymore. He's somehow insensitive and definitely not romantic. He's mostly passive and no initiative. He said I'm the reason he lost his ability to open up his heart. Am i really to blame? Also, what do you think i should do? We really love each other and we're about to get married.
@starcotton
While your breakup hurt him deeply it was/ is his choice to shut his heart and become apathetic NOT yours. some i have found who shut themselves down often blame whomever hurt them .... it was their choice to wall their emotions up to try to never get hurt again.
You can’t blame yourself for that. Someone’s else actions you can’t control so it’s not your fault. He has to learn to fix it and grow. Please do not blame yourself.
@starcotton
I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you and your boyfriend are facing. It's understandable that his emotional numbness and apathy are concerning, especially in the context of your relationship and plans for marriage.
Firstly, it's important to recognize that while your breakup may have had an impact on him, it's not solely your fault that he struggles to open up emotionally now. Relationships involve both parties, and each person responds to situations differently. It's likely a combination of factors that contributed to his current emotional state.
That being said, it's commendable that you both love each other and are committed to making this work. Here are a few steps you might consider:
Encourage Open Communication: Create a safe space for him to express his feelings without judgment. Encourage him to talk about what he's experiencing internally and listen actively without trying to fix everything.
Consider Therapy: Individual therapy for him could be beneficial in exploring and addressing the emotional numbness and any unresolved issues from the past. A therapist can provide tools and support to help him reconnect with his emotions and work through trauma.
Patience and Understanding: Recognize that healing takes time. Be patient with his process and understanding of the challenges he's facing. Avoid placing blame and instead focus on supporting each other.
Rebuild Emotional Intimacy: Engage in activities that foster emotional connection, such as shared hobbies, deep conversations, and expressing gratitude and affection. This can help rebuild trust and intimacy over time.
Discuss Marriage Mindfully: Before making any big decisions like marriage, ensure that both of you feel emotionally ready and equipped to navigate the challenges together. Marriage should ideally be built on a foundation of emotional connection and mutual support.
In terms of what to say to him, express your love and commitment while acknowledging the difficulties you both are facing. Let him know that you're there for him and that you want to work through this together. Emphasize the importance of his emotional well-being and that you're willing to support him in whatever way he needs. My boyfriend broke up with me to get back with his ex. after 3 months we were dating again for 2 years 3 months now.. He was friends with his ex in the first year and a half. I was hurting. I still struggle at times as it opened up old wounds I had before... It is hard to trust again. It is hard to work on the relationship. it is up to me to forgive and acknowelege all he has done to repair our relationship..
Ultimately, the path forward will require patience, empathy, and a willingness to confront and work through past hurts. With dedication and understanding, there's hope for healing and a stronger relationship ahead. If he is willing.. I wouldnt get married until he has moved past his hurt..