Break up or makeup

@kayla797

NO you are not over sensitive.

These type of continual disrespect and what sounds like disconnect.  It starts small and builds until we want to leave. If you still feel it can be saved and want to connect for your kids you will need to change your tactics.. There is no time to waste in telling him right out how you feel some do couples counseling.   How I did it was  tell him right out these examples of disrespect and how I saw situations.   There will be push back and say you do this or that etc.  Using the I feel statements can really help.   

When he says "mommy does this or that " to kids ,,, I would say something like "I FEEL you do not see how the kids are forming opinions about your sarcasm and will make choices if you are a good dad by how you treat others especially their mother" .    When I showed my partner, even some of his small items  were disrespectful and was killing my respect and feelings FOR him.  My partner was woke up. Since it seems he is focused on himself tell him out right how he looks in your eyes.  

I QUIT doing it all at home  or trying to keep everything working.   

Sadly some people need to be TOLD when you need help ... TOLD when things need to be done TOLD  what your needs are.   It is frustrating they have no insight into the marriage , the longer we expect or think that will magically change is just punishing ourselves.  Once you reach him to show mothers day is NOT about his mom but showing/ helping kids appreciate you.  These are really sad asks and needs to be met. 

You could tell him although you have done everything to make house and life work so he can continue playing video games you are NOT his mother. 

@kayla797

Kayla,

First and foremost, thank you for opening up and sharing these deeply personal experiences on 7 Cups - even anonymous in a forum - your cry for help resonated with me. You're absolutely not being overly sensitive and what you're describing is a very real and understandable reaction to feeling chronically unsupported, dismissed, and emotionally neglected. Your feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and emotional hurt make complete sense given what you've described.

Resentment is heavy, it's difficult to remove, and can terminate even the best of marriages and relationships. However, there are ways to address it as long as your partner is also able to approach those issues with you maturely.

From what you described, your marriage currently demonstrates significant emotional disconnection and imbalance, which is understandably causing you significant distress. You’ve consistently prioritized connection, empathy, and family unity, while your husband's behaviors indicate emotional withdrawal and avoidance.

A few important things stand out that deserve thoughtful exploration:

1. Communication and Boundaries

It sounds as though attempts to communicate your needs have not been well-received and have even been met with emotionally manipulative tactics (e.g., involving the children in your conflicts). His comments, such as "Mommy doesn't love me anymore," when you express unhappiness are emotionally inappropriate and manipulative. Clarifying boundaries and expectations around respectful communication—especially about sensitive topics—is very important. Your mental health is important but, your children as well - and note that children at this stage are very perceptive and utilize parents as role models to understand what a healthy marriage and relationship feels and looks like - which they carry well into adulthood.

2. Emotional Neglect

You’ve described repeated instances where you’ve been emotionally neglected during very vulnerable moments (your pregnancies, Mother’s Day, and your miscarriage). These moments significantly impact marital trust and emotional safety. Rebuilding that trust will require acknowledgment and accountability from him, as well as willingness to engage differently. His excuses about his own Mother's relationship are likely to justify a lazy attempt at avoiding that level of connection with you. The sad part of that is that he doesn't realize how much it impacts you and your marriage. You are not his mother, and I mean that in more ways than one - not his maid or personal assistant either. If anything, there is a new opportunity to make things right given he had a negative relationship with his mother. However, I'd also suggest that perhaps some of the issues you've witnessed may very well stem from that broken or toxic relationship with Mom.

3. Equitable Responsibilities and Roles

There's a clear imbalance regarding household responsibilities, childcare, emotional labor, and relationship maintenance. You're carrying the bulk of the responsibilities, leading to burnout and resentment. Working towards equitable sharing of roles and responsibilities is vital, and it may require guided conversations, possibly in therapy.

Recommendations Moving Forward:

• Individual Support:
  I encourage you to seek individual therapy to process your own emotions, resentment, grief from the miscarriage, and feelings of isolation. Having your own safe space to voice your experiences without judgment or invalidation is a vital part of healing.

• Couples Therapy:
  If he's willing, couples therapy would be highly beneficial. Couples therapy would help both of you explore underlying emotional disconnects, learn healthier communication patterns, and develop new behaviors for emotional connection. If he's unwilling to attend therapy initially, attending therapy yourself can still provide you with the tools to establish boundaries, strengthen self-worth, and clarify your decisions moving forward. If he continues to remain unwilling to make improvements in your marriage, he ultimately is deciding the value he places in his marriage itself - thus, it's a choice - one you cannot make for him.

• Boundaries and Self-Care:
  Begin establishing boundaries that honor your emotional and physical well-being. You deserve rest, emotional support, and acknowledgement. Self-care is important—not a luxury or something to earn, but a necessity. This may include carving out intentional breaks, asking explicitly for help, or scheduling your own downtime.

• Address Manipulation Tactics:
  If he continues using emotionally manipulative tactics (e.g., involving children negatively), it’s essential to address this directly, clearly, and calmly. Highlighting that it harms your children and sets a negative example can be an effective way to frame these boundaries. A therapist could guide these conversations more effectively if they participate; however, note that unchecked, this can result in long-term damage.

To address your question directly:

You do not need to "***e it till you make it," nor do you need to accept emotional neglect or manipulation for the sake of your children. Children thrive in emotionally healthy environments, even when that means navigating challenging changes and prioritizing emotional honesty, healing, and genuine family connection often models healthy coping and resilience for children.

You deserve support, validation, and respectful treatment. Seeking support through therapy would be a constructive first step. Remember, acknowledging these issues openly is courageous and essential for any positive change.

Good Luck to you and your family.