Caught my husband
Hey everyone , hope your all okay :)
Just after advice, a listener ear, maybe someone who’s been through it, or can see different perspectives,
I’ve caught my husband talking to another person online months ago, he said it meant nothing, he made two accounts he stopped talking to one person but can’t stop talking to this other person and he’s continuing to do so , has blamed me saying it’s someone to talk to , but he confessed love for this person , but says he wants to stay with me , I’m question everything, my self worth, myself, everything , when he’s on his phone I know it’s to speak with her. I just don’t know how to over come this I have asked him to stop and what it’s doing to me he just says I don’t understand him it’s not like that , when all I have ever tried to be is there for him in so many ways,
Any help , advice , anything a chat is helpful to me really struggling
Thank you
Take care
@generousNectarine5761
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Im sorry he had done this.
You don't deserve it.
Your feelings are valid.
You matter.
He has to realise, he cannot continue this on.
His priority and commitment should be to you and you alone.
I know it's hard, but you both need to sit down and figure out where you go from here, without him deflecting the blame onto you, he needs to take accountability for his own actions.
Its not your fault, he felt he needed more.
He should have communicated that to you.
Im sorry, you are going through this 💕💜
Thank you for your kind words , it’s so hard we have 3 children together, but I can’t stay living like this, I see glimpses of the man I love, we have been together since we were very young, 19years tomorrow to be exact, then married 1year tomorrow, and I just don’t know how to feel I want him to stop and he won’t , he says it’s me not understanding , it’s so difficult , I’m at such a low but I try to bring myself up for my (our) children , I have questioned so much is it because we’re all each other has known, what would make him do this , he is so secretive and glued to his phone it’s painful, there’s so much more I could say but yeah , you replying to me with your kind words has just made me feel like I’m not being valued, it’s so painful , it’s like a nightmare I cannot awake, the thing is I still love him
@generousNectarine5761
Do you want to save your relationship ? ....things will need to change regardless. In many of these online chats situations it is limerance situation.
He wants to be understood and sometimes sadly especially in long term situations we grow into thinking we know all there is about our partner. ASK him to help you understand,
Ask him to talk with you in ways he does with others. . Maybe we were so sure our partner would not get it we did not give them a chance to be who we talk to. Either way once it has started hard to put the genie back in the bottle.
Thank you for your reply
Of course I want nothing more than to save my marriage. We have been together 19 years today married exactly one year also today
We were teens when we got together
I get he may need someone to talk to but what is this group for this is helpful there are other platforms, he seeked this person and has a connection , I saw one message him confessing his love for her and how he would move , when I approached him I got the cold shoulder not talking to me , blaming me , then when he saw the pain I was in he said I love you it’s you I want but I need this person also , so it’s like I’m allowing it and that’s what hurts
Sorry I am not getting angry with you simply replying to you I appreciate you replying to me,
I will take your advice on board I have asked for him to engage more with me , I ask after his day I try my hardest, I just don’t understand
Again thank you :) x
@generousNectarine5761
Sadly he wasn't thinking about you or the children. I can see you love him and hard hurt you are, it's not helpful him making excuses and saying, you don't understand, what is there to understand. He shouldn't be doing what he's doing, full stop and you deserve some honesty moving forward and don't deserve to be stuck in limbo 🥺💜💕
Thank you so much thank you , it’s so hard and destroying me in so many ways .
@generousNectarine5761 Hello, just read this and all I have to say is:
YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE MANIPULATED AND TREATED POORLY
He is obviously cheating, and when he got caught, he aped out, started spiraling. Don't accept less than what you deserve, girl. And trust me, you deserve true love, to be loved fully, not half loved.
Thank you so much these words are so kind that honestly means a lot to me to hear this
He is very good at flipping this situation and making me feel terrible and worse , even though he done the wrong it felt like I was the one who done wrong by trying to seek affection and still talk but I’m still now being pushed aside , being told I love you but it not showing hurts , everything has stopped , I’ve tried talking numerous times I just get don’t be silly I love you , I chose to stay with you but I can’t stop this conversations I have , it’s not what you think it’s someone to talk to , when all I have begged is for him to open up to me ,
I am in such a bad place my children are the only ones who show me the light,,
Im a husband, my wife is doing the same thing. 3 months its been going on, 1 week ive known about it. They "love" eachother and have "deep emotional connection" she wont let go of him but wants me to fix what i missed over the past 10 years that has caused this...i totally know how youre feeling. Im alone in this in my life. (Which is why i discovered 7cups). Im truly sorry that you are going through this...especially if you are having to endure its happening blatently right in front of you as i am. I wish this wasnt happening to you as much as i wish i wasnt going through it as well. If you need to talk. Im here.
Thank you Ryan I appreciate that I am so sorry you are going through this I truly am, I’m also here if you need someone to talk to ,
My husband has been doing this for a long time, he had two people , but one he removed to say it meant nothing but when I said about the other he got defensive saying I don’t understand it’s just someone to talk to , I said what I don’t understand is how you love this person he replied with maybe I shouldn’t of used them words… it’s still continuing I know it is as he is constantly attached to his phone, and hides a lot, taking it everywhere with him and looking when he gets a notification I saw it pop up on our holiday and I was like wow what do I do , I don’t know how to approach him because he can switch it like it’s natural and I’m in the wrong
Thank you Ryan I appreciate that I am so sorry you are going through this I truly am, I’m also here if you need someone to talk to ,
My husband has been doing this for a long time, he had two people , but one he removed to say it meant nothing but when I said about the other he got defensive saying I don’t understand it’s just someone to talk to , I said what I don’t understand is how you love this person he replied with maybe I shouldn’t of used them words… it’s still continuing I know it is as he is constantly attached to his phone, and hides a lot, taking it everywhere with him and looking when he gets a notification I saw it pop up on our holiday and I was like wow what do I do , I don’t know how to approach him because he can switch it like it’s natural and I’m in the wrong
