Crossing Boundaries

First off, I am aware that couples will overstep and even cross boundaries—we are human and make mistakes. I’m new to understanding and creating boundaries myself—mostly struggling with “what do I do after a boundary as been crossed”

essentially—I am redoing and updating a resume so I can find other opportunities. My boyfriend offered some help which I accepted—I asked him for advice and tips that would improve my resume. However he had a different idea of “helping” me—he wanted to do it himself

i respectfully declined saying that i wanted to make my own resume, but im more than happy to take advice for help. This somehow became an argument. He kept pushing and questioning me as to why I didn’t want him to—I simply said “because it’s something I want to do and need to do as an adult—I can’t rely on other people to do adult things for me, especially when it comes to important things like resumes, taxes, medical paperwork etc.” This continued into an argument until I sternly said “I am going to do my resume myself—I will still take advice but I am going to do it myself”. This lead to him hanging up on me.

later that evening he continued to say how he didn’t understand—so I just texted the same thing again. I was just repeating myself bc he wasn’t listening to me. He just replied with an “ok” and didn’t message me for the rest of that evening. Forwarding the next morning he’s acting like nothing happened—while im still left feeling frustrated, hurt and confused about the whole situation. I was expecting an apology to be honest bc—what the heck was all of that??

i addressed to him that morning that I was still upset about the previous night and was expecting an apology. He did apologize-but then proceeded to justify his actions and say “people literally pay to get their resumes done why won’t you let me do it? You’re questioning my intelligence and schooling for this and that’s hurting me”. At this point i want to explode—but I simply acknowledge his hurt, but not letting him justify his actions. I ask him “Why does it matter to you so much? Why do you need to have so much control over a resume that’s not yours? You need to respect my choice—I do not want my resume made for me”

Here’s the issue—later that day (we work at the same job different departments) after work is over I get into my car and what’s inside my car and emailed to me? A resume. With my name, my information, my job histories, descriptions, skills, everything. I am livid. Before I even get a chance to message him he writes “don’t be mad at me for making you this I started this yesterday”. WTF.

I know he was coming from a place of love and good intentions wanting to help me and wanting to make it for me bc I’ve been having a very stressful week. However I addressed a boundary and even expressed how I wanted help—not that he could help me how he wanted to. I express that to him, and say that he crossed a boundary and it’s not okay. What happens? Well—he tries justifying his actions, questioning my reasoning for my boundary then begins to victimize himself saying “I don’t do anything right, im the enemy, I get it if you hate me” the list went on.

I didn’t engage and was emotionally spent. I told him “I’m not attending this pity party of yours. All I wanted here was accountability not deflection for my boundary being crossed”. Was that something I should’ve said—probably not. At this point I was over it. I had finally made a stern boundary that I did not bend, it was crossed, and im here being questioned for having said boundary. He kept trying to justify and to have me act like it didn’t happen I can throw it away if I don’t like it. I told him it’s a dealbreaker at this point (we have had a lot of issues before in our relationship when it comes to accountability). He then profusely apologized and said “if I knew it was this big of a deal I wouldn’t have done it”.

honestly, im not sure what to do after. What do I do after my boundary has been crossed? I didn’t accept his apology—they weren’t good apologies to begin with and him saying “my bad” is a good enough apology in his eyes. I addressed that in uneasy for future conflicts where my boundary is crossed—this all over a resume? I’m worried for a conflict where’s it’s on something significant. Idk if im asking a question or just venting, but im still left feeling so upset bc a part of me feels like that problem never got resolved bc he only “genuinely” apologized once the relationship was threatened.