Debating.....
A guy is showing serious interest in me.
I met him on a dating app a year and a half ago. He wanted to meet me then but I backed out because I had put on a lot of weight and I wasnt feeling confident to meet anyone back then. Six months later he contacted me again - I was slim and feeling confident and I thought Id meet him now but again I backed out because I noticed he was more into me than I was and I didnt want to break his heart by meeting him and then turning him down.
Recently we got in touch again. He is asking me on a date.
He lives in a different city and he is ready to come all the way here to meet me. I like that kind of initiative.
He has some other good qualities as well.
But - I dont feel I can talk to him about all the things I wish to. He just doesnt seem to be on that wavelength.
So I want to hold back. But another side of me is thinking I should take the doors that open for me instead of waiting for shut doors to open.
Any perspectives?
@Creamyyy
To get to know a person it takes time and I believe body language makes a lot of difference. if your contact was dating app and maybe text or emails. I have not used apps but from casual observance in friends who have i do not see how anyone can see who the whole person is.
a meeting for lunch or coffee and getting a feel for if something is there sounds reasonable.
Is there a chance connection is not there.. yes..... for you or even him.
There is an old saying that "the regrets we have are for the chances NOT taken " i know i missed opportunities i wish i had taken in love/ jobs/ and life choices.... we do not get another life or do over to make different choices.
Thank you for your insight. I typically have the same approach - I don't miss out on opportunities that come my way because youre right later there maybe regrets. <3
@toughTiger6481
You are under no obligations to date him.
At this stage it's getting to know how compatible you both are. Learning about values and all that. Even after dating a while you don't owe it to anyone to keep dating. We have to learn how to deal with rejection .
I think you just need to make decision to try or not. Just be honest from what you've written hes getting signs your interested but at same time not and he also deserves to know if youre not interested to draw a line under it so you can both move on.
@Creamyyy
Only you know if you want to date anyone. Yes or No is ok. You don't have to get approval from anyone but yourself.
If the guy is putting in effort such as coming from a far place to date you it can be because:
a. for some reason he is very interested in you.
b. no one that he is interested in will date him that is closer.
c. he is in a relationship and wants to date in another location to be secret from the other.
As with any first date, be safe. The way to find a decent guy is to interview many. You are never under any obligation to them. Be polite, but you can say no at any time. If you don't like how they look you can leave, if you don't like what they say you can leave. You can leave for any reason you wish. You are the boss of you.
@Creamyyy
It's important to be open to opportunities but not ones where your instincts are telling you, you are more into him than you.
Our desires for affection, relationships and connection can make us feel rushed and forced into a decision but follow your heart 💕💜
@Amanda84
He's more into you, than you are him!
@blueLemon3704
@BigWaterDog
@Amanda84
Thank you for the insights ❤️
@Creamyyy
A pleasure 💜
@Creamyyy You can always get to know him more. maybe he can come to your wavelength. and there is no wrong in saying know when you sense he is not the right one. But of course you only know how you feel and what you want. so anything your heart says. 💕
Yes i spent some time talking to him to see if there was scope for wavelength match. Didnt feel the vibe. Gracefully declined the date offer. Im feeling good i made the right decision. He was more emotionally involved than me and would have been hurt more if i dumped him after the date and im pretty sure i would have . Because even though he had qualities, i simply didnt feel comfortable.
Thank you @chillmoon and others here who helped me sort through my mental process.... grateful 🙏
@Creamyyy Oh so you have talked. sorry I misunderstood and thought it was a first time chatting. I don't know how dating apps work hehe. I'm glad to hear you have taken a decision after thoughtful consideration. Yeah, I agree, it will affect him negatively if you call off after few dates.