Engagement over

It is a closure of sorts. The bad thing is through all of this I am understanding that I was in a depression and I want aware of it. I have been going through some therapy and it is making me realize this. There were some things in our relationship that was pushing me deeper in it. With me giving up my entire life, my home, my job, my lifestyle, my surroundings and to an extent my freinds and being farther from my family, my support network. She couldn’t have understood what that was like for me. The only difference in her life was that I was now in it. I had that same difference with now she was in my life but nothing else was the same either. It took some time to adapt. I came from the city and she lived in the country 2 hours away. I liked the country life but she also kind of forced feed her family on me. Don’t get me wrong I do care for them immensely, but they were at our house every day. They are in their mid and upper 20’s. Then she had what she called a bonus daughter that she took in when this girl was 20.she has since moved a couple of blocks a way. She has some issues and would not leave us an alone. It was exhausting. My ex lives next to her mother and all of her kids are with in 3 minutes drive away. It just felt as there was no privacy. Every one would come and go with no warning and no one would knock and just come in. Even her freinds. That was different for me. I always knock on someone’s door. Even family.

Then she started pushing her friends on me thinking I didn’t know anyone in the area. It that needs to come naturally and not be forced. I don’t think that she was doing anything intentionally to change me. I think she meant well by it. It it also said to me that she wasn’t going to change anything at all while I had to change everything. I thought about doing couples counseling around a year ago or so. The thing is I never brought it up to her. I should have and have major regrets that I didn’t. I think that it would have made me understand that I was in a depression and then I could have started treating it. It could have showed her that some of the things that she was doing was actually contributing to it. Y me being in the depression and especially not knowing it, I pushed away. Lost myself emotionally, mentally and physically. It I didn’t realize I was. And then that made her push away as well. The bad thing is we both want the the same things out of life and we both think the world of each other and love each other. I just waited too long to find the root cause of our problems. And now unfortunately it has pushed her too far away and she can’t ever get that back. It is just a wasted opportunity because if I had noticed this sooner there is a great chance we could be back to the loving relationship we once had

It is a closure of sorts. The bad thing is through all of this I am understanding that I was in a depression and I want aware of it. I have been going through some therapy and it is making me realize this. There were some things in our relationship that was pushing me deeper in it. With me giving up my entire life, my home, my job, my lifestyle, my surroundings and to an extent my freinds and being farther from my family, my support network. She couldn’t have understood what that was like for me. The only difference in her life was that I was now in it. I had that same difference with now she was in my life but nothing else was the same either. It took some time to adapt. I came from the city and she lived in the country 2 hours away. I liked the country life but she also kind of forced feed her family on me. Don’t get me wrong I do care for them immensely, but they were at our house every day. They are in their mid and upper 20’s. Then she had what she called a bonus daughter that she took in when this girl was 20.she has since moved a couple of blocks a way. She has some issues and would not leave us an alone. It was exhausting. My ex lives next to her mother and all of her kids are with in 3 minutes drive away. It just felt as there was no privacy. Every one would come and go with no warning and no one would knock and just come in. Even her freinds. That was different for me. I always knock on someone’s door. Even family.

Then she started pushing her friends on me thinking I didn’t know anyone in the area. It that needs to come naturally and not be forced. I don’t think that she was doing anything intentionally to change me. I think she meant well by it. It it also said to me that she wasn’t going to change anything at all while I had to change everything. I thought about doing couples counseling around a year ago or so. The thing is I never brought it up to her. I should have and have major regrets that I didn’t. I think that it would have made me understand that I was in a depression and then I could have started treating it. It could have showed her that some of the things that she was doing was actually contributing to it. Y me being in the depression and especially not knowing it, I pushed away. Lost myself emotionally, mentally and physically. It I didn’t realize I was. And then that made her push away as well. The bad thing is we both want the the same things out of life and we both think the world of each other and love each other. I just waited too long to find the root cause of our problems. And now unfortunately it has pushed her too far away and she can’t ever get that back. It is just a wasted opportunity because if I had noticed this sooner there is a great chance we could be back to the loving relationship we once had