Full circle?

You might have my name memorized at this point with how much I post 🙃. My life changes tomorrow for the better. I start a adult job, after 6 years of schooling. It's a year since my ex gf hugged and kissed me, but said she wanted to break up and not get back together. I haven't seen her since, and the last time I texted her was 4 months after that. We are now blocked.

I can't sleep, primarily due to nerves for tomorrow at the new job. But also because I remember this day last year I was going to sleep worrying if the next day would be the last time I ever saw my ex gf.

I do miss her. She should have been here to see this and all the hard work pay off so I can finally afford dates and stuff. But she's not here. She's in the same career field I'm in and she herself is now in school.....and in a new relationship with someone who is not in school. So she's kinda living my shoes when we were together.

I'm seeing other girls here and there. But I still love my ex. Just wish she got to see it pay off. Even if it did take me 6 years to do, and 2 of those consisting of her and a pandemic all at once.

I can finally make her the priority I wanted to. The priority she said she never felt like due to my school, and other family stuff going on with my little brother, and COVID. And she's not here.

Idk. Like, I feel like I won, everyone says how proud they are of me. But I still think about her all the time. And how I could finally do everything she wanted, not because she wanted me to do certain things, but because I wanted to, I just couldn't afford to then and had to wait another 2 years. I've been waiting my whole life to start my life (I don't get financial help from my parents, she does/did).

I guess just keep going. Anyone who sees this. The sacrifices are worth it in the long run, even if they seem like it at the time.

I just hope she's taking care of herself and safe

I really do miss her

Even if I feel pathetic for loving her 1 year later