Help figuring out next steps for my relationship
I was in a relationship for a year and everything was good. My partner and I lived together. She has a lot of animals and loves nature. Her health issues had an effect on what she was able to do. I showed her that there were possibilities and we did so much together.
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of giving her 19 a 19-year-old cat and an earlier dose of her medication. Although the vet and her family told me that my mistake did not kill her cat, of course, I fully take the blame and accountability. I was told to stay with my family until she was ready to talk to me. I was depressed and tried to reach out to check in. But she had a friend's wedding and other things. I spoke to her best friend about it and he told me that the situation was not fair because she has a habit of dragging things out. The cat was old. I was upset by what he said and decided to pack all of my belongings and give the keys in. I didn't feel like things were going to be the same.
I understand and acknowledge that my behavior was not the best. I never showed up at her house without her knowledge and tried my best to give her space. I asked for my belongings from her other house, but didn't get a date so I became frustrated.
I care deeply about her and still do. I rented out a room and have been working towards rebuilding. I have been able to pick up my mail with her present. She would have panic attacks if I were around even if she didn't see me. Things have calmed down, and we went our separate ways, but I feel like she has left the door open to our relationship because she tells me that she isn't ignoring my texts. I'm trying not to be stuck. Not seeing her for about four months after spending a year with her has been challenging.
I'd like help with what I should be doing next with my life. Please no judgment.
@Trixmx618
She is probably in grief over her cat and knows it is not your fault and the cat was old and at end of life. She may have overreacted, and it is hard to take that back or smooth things said over. I think with any death people especially if having health issues can spiral and worry about their own mortality. Some may not feel like sharing these feelings or thoughts.
I do not know where you go from here because that deep of conversation is not done in text and until she would be able to really let you know what she is going through you are left out in the cold.
Thank you. I'm hopeful that she and I can sit down and talk one day. Grief has no timeline and I'm trying to live my life.
@Trixmx618
Sorry to hear this :(
Please don't blame
yourself for this. 19 is a nice long life for a cat. Once they get past
about 15 years or so you've just gotta love them while they're here and
take each day as it comes, because sadly they can go from being
relatively fine to declining fast in the span of days/weeks and it's very unlikely that it was your fault 😢 I
understand grief for a pet, I really do. I'm at a point in life where
all my childhood pets have passed on and it was terribly sad to have to
let all of them go even though they are in a better place now than they were at
the very end.
With that said, she sounds... well, I don't know
if immature is the word, but I do think age factors into it. Maybe she's
just having an extremely difficult time with her grief and isn't
thinking rationally, but this isn't the way a loving caring partner should treat their SO. At some point she has to move on and be a person again, and at least stop wasting both your time and communicate whether she wants to continue this relationship or not.
The idea of closure probably sounds nice, but the truth is only you can give yourself closure if the other person isn't agreeable or willing. Maybe you could try suggesting somewhere neutral to meet up to talk like a cafe or public park, and then get out anything you want to say there and try to get your belongings back. If she won't do do that, then send one last text expressing you wish things could have gone differently and you tried to give her space and let her feel her grief, but you need to move on and can't keep one foot in the door forever anymore. And then commit to it. It's awfully sad but there is little that you can do for someone who pushes others away to this extent, and the best you can do is go live your own life and start over somewhere else.
@JackalopesExist
Thank you for your feedback. There is some immaturity there. She lives with her mother and is provided with everything she needs. I think I care too much because I sent her a gift and she responded by saying, "If you sent me the gift, thank you." It was in memory of her cat. My ex reaches out from time to time to tell what's been going on with all of the cats she rescued. From my understanding, she has made her mother's home a hospice for cats she finds on the streets.
I've spoken to her mom and she feels like I shouldn't have threatened to contact the police about my belongings. She thinks I pushed too hard, but I don't think it would have made a difference. I was living in my dad's living room for what went on for over a month until he told me that I need to make arrangements to find a place. I was expected to wait around until she was ready to talk. She was out there rescuing animals while I was depressed.
My ex told me my things would be safe, but I just wanted closure. I did not call the police. I tried calling her mom, but she didn't want to get involved. Then I found out that my ex called the management office to remove my parking pass from the system. I called the office to find out what my rights were, not to threaten her or put her in any danger. But that's what they think of me.
