How do I fix anxious attachment in relationship?
I think I'm slowly ruining my relationship. I don't have my own identity and my world revolves around my boyfriend. I have a job, and it is flexible where I can make my own schedule when to work. Now, I tailored it to match my bf's schedule so we can spend time together. Is that bad? I just want to be with him when it's possible but I don't think it's healthy. I know I need to focus on myself more but I'm lost. I don't know what to do or where to start. Is there someone here I can talk to about this?
@littleSpring9413 it’s not necessarily bad. Talk to him about it and see what he thinks. Be open and honest. Maybe he likes this! And if your energies and chemistry align…this could be a very good thing!
He's almost always tired. He wants to okay games on his own even when I'm around. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to be with me.
@littleSpring9413 I'm curious why you think it was bad. It's showing love for your boyfriend, but what sense does that make to you?
He's tired from work and when I want to do things, he doesn't have the energy. I want to be with him but it feels like he doesn't always want to be with me. But he still sees me even though he's tired. His energy is just always low. It makes me feel that he doesn't want to be with me.
@littleSpring9413
Dear Beloved,
The fact that you are recognizing this pattern is already an important first step. Wanting to spend time with your boyfriend is not wrong. The concern arises when your happiness, identity, or your sense of security begins to depend entirely on the relationship.
Maintain interests, hobbies, friendships, goals, and supportive groups that belong to you. Spend time doing activities that bring you joy and help you reconnect with yourself.
Building independence does not mean loving your partner less. Practice making decisions based on your own needs and preferences.
These patterns take time to change, and every small step toward healing is meaningful progress. Be patient with yourself as you learn to build a stronger sense of self. Do it for yourself. Be your own support system.
Thank you so much. That's really my problem now. I think im losing my own identity. Im scared.
@littleSpring9413
I can understand you wanting similar schedules, but you perhaps need some time apart. especially to learn how to deal with your anxious attachment. relationships IMO grow stronger when partners grow in themselves.
That's what I'm trying to do. I want some time apart and have my own life but it seems so hard. He's my safe place and my comfort person thats why I always want to be with him to not feel alone. But I'm thinking it's not healthy to always crave his attention. I think I'm too needy and too much because of my anxiety. I don't want him to be unhappy because of what I'm going through. But when we're apart, it stresses me out.