I believe I know the answer but I don’t want it to be that answer
Hello, I am new to all of this but here is the situation that landed me here. My partner and I have been together going on 16 years. The majority of those years he was a stay at home father while I worked, and did my fair share of the household work. From my point of view I definitely pulled my weight. During those years I supported him during psych stays, therapy for his bpd, ankle surgery, supporting the entire household for months at a time while working so he could recover or focus on his therapy. I helped raise his so , his nephew and nieces. He did cheat on me quite a few times, nothing in person but emotionally cheated on me I don’t even know how many times. Fast forward to the last two years, I got sick. Our home had black mold and it put me in the dirt. Most likely along with the years of never taking care of myself and putting everyone else’s needs before mine. I have been sick, memory loss, being so tired, the nasty cough that won’t go away, and the insomnia is insane. So we decided for it to be my time to rest and give my body a break. He couldn’t do it. We lost our home, became homeless living out of a hotel , we still are currently. I’ve used up all my savings and I still really haven’t recovered. The stress has been horrible. I get blamed for us being in this situation. Been cheated on again multiple times during this. Heard all the nasty things he’s said about me. Has called me names and my self esteem is gone. He’s stopped saying all the nice things to me, doesn’t really seem to care what’s going on with me. He’s planned on leaving me behind my back. You name it I’ve been betrayed. The icing on the cake is that he had been gossiping about me behind my back. Making up things and essentially making my little to nonexistent support system gone. It’s been horrible.. I’ve tried communicating on how I feel and all it does is end up him acting like I am an inconvenience. My sickness to him is made up. This whole situation is all my fault in his eyes. Mind you I have been financially providing this entire time from my savings. I just miss feeling wanted cared about to hear some nice things about me. I’ve told him this till I was blue in the face. Nothing changes. Here and there I’ll have a few days of the partner he once was and I soak up those days but the next day or so comes and it’s back to the dirty looks the negative outlook on me. Now I have zero support system. No one to talk to , no family because he had went and made up so many things they don’t even talk to me. He’s filled my oldest child’s head full of things that she no longer talks to me. I am absolutely struggling! And I am at my end of my rope. I am so tired of crying and feeling sad. I have no one in my life to try and bring me up, say something positive about me. Nothing. After I had spent so many years dedicated my life to my family. Almost as if since I’m not making thousands of dollars I’m useless. I’m so stuck and I don’t know how to get out of it
@tealSkies9787
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It sucks when we are ill and no one to be our support and safe space. In this situation there are so many things that could be going on. Your illness and not being able to go back to handling everything is more then you see.
It can be different then I may suggest but IMO we seldom see how others feel. you have been the rock. when those roles need to change the other person is terrified that they may not be strong enough to carry the load. If they cannot step up and meet all you have been doing, they may resort to talking crap to make it seem like your contributions were less than they were.
It is more like jealousy over your strength and uncertainty about their strength. Your illness sidelining you ........put them in the game and they realize armchair quarterbacking is not the same as being in the game. It sucks I know, but sooner or later others find out who was all talk and who carried all the weight until they simply could not carry any longer. all their badmouthing of you will make them look petty.
I have to admit that I have a good amount of empathy. Explained that I know how difficult it is to handle the load. And it can seem overwhelming. And that I have been there so many times. Asked if there was anything that I can do. Still nothing. As far as my family goes… as sad as it is they are more than likely not going to come back. And I am okay with that . Still doesn’t change how it is sad and disappointing it is . But if they couldn’t bare through all of that then really are they good to have in my life? It’s been a huge eye opening experience. The times when I should have held my ground or maybe slowed down a little bit then I would have seen the signs because now that I have slowed down, all the signs are plain as day. I have a feeling that this is boosting his ego seeing me not at my normal level. I’ve explained so many times that I needed him to bring me up a little bit. That I am emotionally drained completely. I explained that even though I might seem like a strong person, you can only be so strong for so long. I wasn’t given the same opportunities that I gave him, because I cared for him to get better and heal. Seeing him improve made me happy. It just seems like it’s the opposite for me. As you get older it’s so hard to recreate a network of people that you can lean on from time to time. I believe that I gave that to people that wouldn’t do it for me and I’m finding this all out now. It’s a hard lesson that is for sure
I am sorry you have to go thru this
@tealSkies9787 that is so rough to deal with, there's a lot of things I could say but I'm sure you've felt the full spectrum of emotions that comes with this situation.. you really do deserve to focus on yourself- whether there's a future that includes him or not, you have what it takes to build that future
we all have our responsibilities, and real love and care is not so fickle.. your life is only your own, go with what you want