Is this normal?
I’m 30 years old, and my fiancé proposed to me about a year ago. We’ve been together for almost six years, and lately, his depression has been affecting him much more intensely. He’s been feeling constantly sad and struggling emotionally.
Recently, he mentioned that he might want to see other women at some point in the future because he isn’t sure if he’s truly happy with me or in our relationship. Obviously, hearing that was incredibly hurtful, especially after being together for so long and being engaged.
He also told me that exploring other people is something that healthy relationships can do. Is that actually true? Is it considered healthy for someone in a committed relationship to want to see other people because they’re questioning whether they’re happy with their partner?
Hey @RaisinsRGrapes 💓
First off I am sorry to hear that he said that, that can be hurtful to hear after being together for six years and have been engaged.
To answer your question some people do explore other relationships or have multiple partners but that is something that should be established beforehand. It would depend on what the relationship means to you and what an ideal relationship is for you. If you see yourself in a committed relationship where you are monogamous and only in a relationship with them, and he is wanting to see other people while seeing you that is a conflict. That would have to be something you were okay with and will continue to be okay with. At that point the relationship will no longer be monogamous.
If he is questioning whether he is happy with you and you are engaged and planning to get married exploring and involving others does not necessarily solve a problem nor is healthy. Healthy can be communicating and attempting to see what is leading to the unhappiness and what can be done together to fix it 💓
I do not want to also diminish his depression. It is tough that he is going through that, maybe it can be also helpful to explore that with him and seeing if that is contributing to him feeling this way but that does not allow for an open relationship if you are not okay with that. If you are not wanting that be honest about that with him ♥️
@RaisinsRGrapes
Engaged a year and unless a date is set or something he may still be getting cold feet.
Imo his telling you this may be to see if you will let him see other women or be mad and call the whole thing off.... that way whatever happens in the relationship he will try to say it was your choice/ fault.
How would he react if you said "yeah, I am not sure about you either and need to date a few more guys " ...If he thinks it is healthy and normal he would have no problem with that and at least you would have an answer.
You deserve an honest talk so you can decide what you want. I view relationships like an investment if we were losing on an investment we would not still add to it because "we have done it for 6 years"... We would cut our loss and move on to something with a more positive upside.