My girlfriend has hidden conversations
Me and my girlfriend were looking at the difference in photo quality between my phone and hers yesterday. When I opened her gallery, I noticed there was an album called "hidden," so I asked her why she had this album. She told me it's present on all iPhones and quickly took her phone back. However, this made me suspicious, so after about 10 minutes, I brought up the topic again because I noticed she's always on her phone. She got angry and told me to take her phone and see for myself. I checked the album and found it empty. After talking for over half an hour, she finally confessed that three months into our relationship, a guy she used to talk to contacted her and had screenshots of their conversation. Moreover, he called her at night, and they talked on the phone for 4 hours (she claims she was talking about me, but I don't believe it much). Throughout this, she said she didn't tell me because she was afraid of losing me, and the important thing is that she chose me. However, she then brings up if anyone at work hits on her. So, my doubt is, why didn't she tell me about this? Why did she try to hide it until the last minute by deleting everything? I'm someone who trusts, and I'm afraid this might change my way of being. She says it's not a big deal in the end, she didn't do anything, and she didn't cheat on me, but this is what she told me. I don't really know what happened, talking on the phone for 4 hours, not talking about anything. What do you think about this? Give me some perspectives. This was something I really didn't expect; it caught me completely off guard.
This whole situation sounds too suspicious to me.. if a guy was texting her then why hide it from you? She could've told you and immediately stop this.. and talking with him for 4 hours for you? That's many hours to talk with a random guy about your relationship.. I don't know .. everything looks sus to me.. and why should she put it on hidden ?
For me it's all sus
@consideratePlane9054
i looked and there is a "hidden" folder on my i phone nothing is in it but it is there.... what is upsetting to you..... her talking or just what she might have talked about?
This whole thing to hide conversations is due..... IMO....... to the unrealistic responses that gf/ bf/ partners are incapable of having friends or conversations with someone without it being something suspect. Do you feel that people can have platonic conversations?
I think the whole thing could have been handled better ........but in the end she did not see this as an overstep, unless you have proof otherwise... just not liking that something was hidden is not proof of anything.
The bigger deal you make of this ...the more likely this Will happen again... why .... because if she feels you do not trust her and you will always assume the worst..... if she has anything in future that may be taken the wrong way she will hide it better..... you have reinforced the need to keep secrets.
EXAMPLE
Have you ever secretly asked a friend or family if they liked her when you introduced her to them .... did you tell her if someone didn't ? Do you need to monitor all her conversations or perhaps be a group text? Does it work both ways?
Are you telling her straight out....... you have posted here and are asking anonymous people to weigh in on if her actions are suspect?
I know that may sound over the top......... but i feel the whole thing of once people are in a couple.... they are not allowed to talk or text or even look at someone has gone overboard ..... looking for drama or a problem is not going to help this or any other relationship you will have.
To me, anything done in secret is a red flag. If it was nothing to worry about then there would be no reason to hide it. But intentionally hiding things, from my experience, isn’t a good sign
@consideratePlane9054,
she told you she chose you. All in all, thats all that matters.
I totally understand where you're coming from. I've experienced something similar, couldn't cope with it, got emotional and angry and now two people who deeply love each other are divorced.
Don't go that way, you might loose the love of your life.
She might have had her reasons. It doesn't matter. What matters is that both of you should feel safe, appreciated, heard, loved in your relationship. Talk to each other about how you feel. In mutual understanding. Relationships are hard work, every single day. Reflect on you, how you spend the day, what you could've handled differently. And never react, like I did too often, angry, no matter how justified your anger might be.
@consideratePlane9054
Hmm
Her initial reaction of anger and defensiveness could have been fueled by embarrassment or fear of losing you. She may have rationalized keeping this information from you as a way to protect your relationship, not realizing that it would ultimately cause more harm than good. But her decision to delete the conversation and try to hide it from you raises a few red flags.