Narcissistic trauma bond
For a year and a half I’ve dealt with this but only realized I was dealing with it the last time I was discarded which was almost a week ago. I know what he is and I still miss him. I still try to reach out through email because he has blocked me on iMessage. He’s “punishing” me because I wasn’t acting the way he wanted me to. I don’t know how to let go or what to do. I feel incredibly sad and lost and filled with grief. So here I am. Asking for help or someone to talk to. If there’s anyone who can relate I’d love to talk. Or listen to any advice. It’s much appreciated.
@blackbirdie2023
There are many in similar situations... and even that it is clear you are aware of his issues .... it is difficult to move away.. letting go is not always easy... when they are decent the time is fun but the cost of the tantrums and having to be right is a slow death of any feeling.
I know exactly how that feels. A similar thing happened to me. A "good" friend guy dated me then broke my heart. At first he kept coming back saying sorry, literally crying and begging, saying he'll change his whole personality for me, do anything to make things right, and a few days later he apathetically blocked me. I had no idea how a person could switch from this to that in a matter of days. I too, desperately went back hoping he'd changed. It took me three times of going back then again being blocked by him to realise that he was actually bad for me, and even so I'd still miss him. It gets better over time, trust me. Every setback is actually a step further, even if you can't see how today.
@blackbirdie2023
I understand how you are feeling, I am currently in a relationship where I feel like I have to be a "good little girl" or he will punish me with abandonment or threaten my living situation. It's not easy to get away from people like this but you did, you should be proud of yourself for that. You knew that the situation with that person was toxic for you and you left. Now you have to stay strong, remember why you left, and plan out your future without them. Just look forward, please don't look back, especially for the ones who haven't made it out yet.
Keep moving forward! You've made a very brave and powerful start. Ofcourse you miss him and that's not simply going to go away. You left some of yourself with him and that's what you loose too when you walk away.
Try to make baby steps everyday, don't look back! It's going to take time, but at some point you will realize you're there: over him and back to loving yourself. Surround yourself with positive people and things, that helps a lot!
Good luck with this! I know it's hard!
I’m going through a similar situation. Still trying to figure out how to get him to leave. I’ve tried before, he doesn’t. Just throws tantrums, calls me horrible names and trashed my house. So stay strong and you did great! I e tried that first step and failed too many times. Proud of you!!!
