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Totally fed up!

User Profile: ambitiousSummer3593
ambitiousSummer3593 February 19th, 2024

Today he woke up early but did not make any breakfast. I leave it and go to the kitchen. The kitchen was a mess. I decided to make a tea. It was almost 12:30 PM. I made one cup of tea and went to the dining hall. He was sitting there, looking at his laptop and mobile phone. There were only two pieces of bread left, and he had eaten everything else already. I neverminded it and took the remaining two pieces of bread and the teacup. He asked me, "Didn't you make tea for me?" "When did you start drinking tea in the afternoon?" I asked back, and he didn't reply. I sat there and ate the remaining two pieces of bread. Then I went to the kitchen, cleaned everything, and started making rice. I was really angry at him and did not want to speak, but I could not control myself to keep quiet, so I hugged him. He hugged back. He went to the kitchen and took care of the other stuff. 

Around 3 o'clock, he asked me to make some curry. I told him I wouldn't. Since he was really hungry, he went to the kitchen, made dry fish fries, and had lunch. He asked me to sit near him, and I did it. We decided to get out to buy some veggies and groceries since we were out of them. After finishing lunch, he went to bed suddenly, and I lay down near him. I started talking about the importance of finding a new job, and he slowly fell asleep while listening to me. I didn't disturb him, and I keep looking at my phone. He slept the whole three hours, and I didn't wake him up. I did some other housework, and it was almost 7 o'clock. I turned the light on since it was my shift starting time. I logged in and went for a bath. He opened his eyes and asked me, "Let's go buy groceries?" I asked, "Do you know what's the time now?" "No," he replied. "I told him to go and check the time. He kept on sleeping for one more hour. I was calling my mom, sitting outside, and he sat near me like nothing had happened. 

What should i tell him? 

We dated for almost three years, and we got married recently. He is one year younger than me. He completed his degree in 2020 and is working for a company for a very low salary. He always doesn't want to respond when I ask him about shifting to a new job. I completed my PG in 2022 and started working for a company the next month. I do night shifts, and I earn a triple amount than him. He already has three loans to pay, and I help him pay one loan and take care of the house rent and everything else. It's hard to live in a good way with my salary. So, I keep on asking him to do a better job. He is the kind of guy who does not want to talk about problems or sort them out. He is not ready to study for exams or attend more interviews. He always made excuses. Why should I spoon-feed him always? I always have to keep on ask him to clean the house or clean the kitchen and doing other stuffs at home. I am very much frustrated! he is taking everything silly and does not want to talk things. What should i tell him and what should I do now? 

2
User Profile: reliableWest8997
reliableWest8997 February 19th, 2024

@ambitiousSummer3593 Hi, I am really sorry to hear about your struggles with your partner. I am writing you because I do feel for you, I am not married but I can relate a bit because the person I am/was seeing for a while doesn't really talk much, and kind of has that similar personality of maybe shutting down. By reading what you wrote, I came to the realization that I haven't been trying or been very patient with him in trying to get answers. I am wondering if maybe it would help for you to have a more thorough conversation with him if possible, like really try to talk to him about what's not working? I am not saying that will solve any issues but it could possibly open up some communication. what do you think?

User Profile: toughTiger6481
toughTiger6481 February 20th, 2024

@ambitiousSummer3593

We often try to nudge or think casual comments will spur someone into a doing the things we want them to.... it seldom if ever works ....

the more frustration and things you keep quiet about the more slowly creating a disconnect.... 

Support is not letting them take advantage of you

so you should communicate clearly that you expect half the chores and him earning half the income...it is a partnership not him doing his thing at his leisure and you will carry the load.......  you can put goals or time lines on items as well... setting up a due date for doing x or Y is sometimes what someone needs ... my spouse always seems to kick things down the road and only goes into a panic when time is UP. 

this is needed if he wants to save this relationship because it often is the small things that add up and stay on our minds...