Wedding in 3 months; do I call it off?

Assess the Communication Issue: Communication is fundamental in any relationship. It's concerning that your partner becomes dismissive and avoids serious discussions, especially during arguments. This behavior can lead to unresolved issues and built-up resentment over time.

Reflect on Patterns: Consider if this behavior has been a recurring issue or if it has escalated recently. Patterns of dismissiveness and avoidance during conflicts can indicate deeper issues in how your partner handles stress or disagreements.

Consider Your Well-Being: Your emotional distress during these periods of ghosting and dismissiveness is significant. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. No relationship should leave you feeling unable to eat or sleep.

Discuss Your Concerns: Have a candid conversation with your partner about how his behavior during arguments affects you and the relationship. Express your desire for a more constructive approach to conflict resolution.

Evaluate the Future: Think about whether you can see yourself living with this pattern long-term. Marriage involves navigating challenges together, and it's essential to feel supported and understood during difficult times.

Some people struggle to finish arguments because of past hurts, leading them to put up walls as a form of self-protection. My boyfriend used to do this often, having been through two failed marriages with narcissistic partners. This behavior protected him in those marriages but caused unintended pain in our relationship. I was taught by my parents the importance of a healthy marriage, where open communication and resolving conflicts are crucial. I didn't have the same baggage, so it took him a long time to feel safe with me and understand that finishing an argument and making everyone feel heard is healthy.

Here’s some advice for dealing with these walls:

1. Understand the Root Cause: Recognize that the reluctance to finish arguments often stems from past traumas and fears of being hurt again. This awareness can foster empathy and patience.

2. Create a Safe Space: Ensure that your partner feels safe and understood. Reassure them that your intention is to resolve conflicts constructively, not to hurt them.

3. Encourage Open Communication: Gently encourage your partner to express their feelings and thoughts. Let them know that their perspective is valuable and that you want to understand their side.

4. Be Patient and Consistent: Healing and building trust take time. Be patient and consistent in your efforts to communicate and resolve conflicts.

5. Set Boundaries: While understanding their fears, also set boundaries for respectful communication. It's important for both partners to feel heard and valued.

6. Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, seeking help from a therapist can provide tools and strategies for better communication and conflict resolution.

Remember, the goal is to build a relationship where both partners feel safe, heard, and respected. It's a journey, but with understanding and patience, it's possible to overcome these walls together.