With a toxic partner but afraid to leave
I just want to get it off my chest. I am with someone who has serious issues with how he treats me. And yet I'm terrified of leaving. We both love each other and have been together several years. I'm not ready to just start over alone. I don't want to. But I don't want to stay either because I know it won't ever change. I have my issues too which makes it even more complicated. Most listeners just guide me to resources to leave, which I know they mean well but it doesn't help me feel better. It makes me feel anxious. I feel ashamed to tell people even on here because when they refer me to a shelter or something, I feel like they don't want to talk to me because I'm making them feel uncomfortable. And the. worrying about that makes me anxious.
@quietCurrent5884
You are not alone.. far too many IMO just tell you leave like it is so easy to start over. It is hard and often scary and some people simply do not know where to begin.
many people stay for many different reasons. kids/ finance/ resources etc..... that is OK.
You can not change them .... only change you..... with a partner.... you decide when they treat you poorly to respond differently .... being open telling them how they make you feel...... cold shoulder/ silent treatment ......acting as if you did not hear some BS they said .
When they do not get the response they want or feel they are no longer important to you .... then the realization of them being a jerk is on them. If there is change it is when they see themselves as they are.
@quietCurrent5884
Hi, it sounds difficult. I'd like to talk if we can.
@tolaklaw
i feel like you need to have a listener acct to message me. otherwise we can talk here
@quietCurrent5884
I’ve talked to you before but my listener account isn’t available for me right now (got blocked). the username is this one backwards.
@quietCurrent5884
maybe if you make a listener account we can talk again while I’m waiting for my listener account
@quietCurrent5884 can you make a listener account
@quietCurrent5884 hi quiet current, I’d like to talk to you. We’ve talked before
Hi we both in same boat
Hi, I know how you feel and I know how terrible it is when you can’t leave. It’s like a perpetuating cycle of feeling awful about yourself because you know you’re in the wrong but still choosing it.
It’s NOT your fault. It really isn’t. What these kinds of people do is get you into this so they can keep you with them, forever. He’s treating you bad and you know it won’t change? Yep, I’ve been there. I continued to talk to him even after he was out, we weren’t really together, last May 2024 he threatened to boil my skull and hurt my dog. A year before gave me a black eye on my birthday. Right before that put me in a choke hold and gave me a concussion. But that’s just the worst sounding parts of it. He could be so sweet and vulnerable but so psychologically manipulative that even after all that I still spent hours on the phone with him last weekend trying to “help” him. Are you in physical danger? Are there kids in the house? Believe me it’s going to take a long time for you to let this go but you’ve already done the first step, recognizing you are trapped, knowing it will not end unless you do something and you’ve reached out for help! If you’re anxious I just learned a technique to do from therapy friend. If you’ve been abused chances are your brain isn’t working very well, because that’s what happens. A part of your brain actually shrinks from abuse! But ask your mind or subconscious how many messages it has for you? A number. Then ask it what is message number 1?
Then receive the message and feel it out.
Say ok did I get all of that message? Then take that message image and visualize and feel what your subconscious is telling you to do.
Then, take that and imagine the opposite and see how that feels? It probably feels bad right? Really feel it.
Then you picture two doors and you envision yourself going through the door that feels good.
Not sure if it’ll work for you but it’s been helping me. So your first step is to formulate a plan Or maybe you should just write down all the things your scared of just to see them. They might not be so scary after you write them down. Follow Richard Grannon on *** and YouTube if you want to learn how to break a trauma bond with someone, which is the addictive bond of abuse your in. It’s really just an addiction. You have to wean yourself off of it. Reach out if you need to.
And please do not forget that they become worse when you try to leave. I didn’t want to, I wanted nothing more than for him to be good and nice and to stop but they will not change for you because they just can’t. And honestly abusive men tend to really look down on the women who stay, especially the legit narcissists. They have no respect bc they know you’ll take it. So in a twisted way the only way it ever will work is if you leave him.
Are you still on this site. We used to talk about yoga and exercise and stuff
I feel you.
You got this I believe in you.
Hello
My name is Courtney, I've gone through something similar. And I've had a really hard time finding someone to talk with. I just wanted to reach out and offer you an ear. It can feel isolating. The wanting you stay is real. And I'm really sorry you're going through everything you are, and can't talk about it freely.
