Would it be weird if I proposed?
So this might be a bit of a long post but I've been stressing over if I should propose to my boyfriend. We're coming up on our 10 year anniversary and at this point I'm not sure if he's ever going to propose. I do say this after we have thoroughly discussed marriage over the years and both agree that we do want to be married one day.
We even discussed marriage and proposals a few months ago as one our friends just got engaged and another is planning a wedding I'll be a bridesmaid in. He still seems very much like he'd like to get married when we're ready. I mean the only reason we haven't just signed papers and planned a wedding later when we can afford it, is that financially it would be more of a burden right now. He's still in college so the financial burden of taking him on my health insurance would make it very difficult to keep up with bills.
I had the thought of proposing to him over 5 years ago but held off as we were only in our early 20's, I was only half way through college, and he said he'd prefer to wait for that next step after I finish college. I graduated almost 2 years ago now. I get that he's busy focusing on school now and we've had some expenses he's helped with. We have our own apartment now and just bought a car together a few months ago after his old car died.
I guess I say all this and want to phrase that I am very happy with my relationship and have been planning our lives around us always being together. We have very clear communication and I have always felt so loved and accepted by him. So would it be crazy or weird if I proposed to him at this point? We're going on a trip in May with some friends and I fell like it would be the perfect time.
I have also outright asked if there were any hesitations or reasons he wouldn't want to be engaged. I even asked if the idea of being engaged or getting married made him uncomfortable for any reason. All of that was met with a no, so I don't think there's really anything else I can do at this point. I am very worried I put too much pressure on him, but again I've done everything I can to make sure it's something we both want, which still seems to be the case.
I guess maybe because we're almost 30 and I'm seeing my friends start to get married now, that I really want that now too. I know it shouldn't matter so much and at the end of the day I still love him and could never imagine my life with anyone else. Maybe I should be asking if I'm crazy for caring so much?
Sorry for the long rambling but definitely needed to vent if nothing else. Also tldr: Should I propose to my boyfriend of 10 years since I'm tired of waiting?
@KaleighSkys
You are not crazy for caring!
Seize the day.
Life's too short.
Love and live while you can.
You love him and are sure of his love.
So why not, ultimately you'll get your answer and I hope it's a big yes 💚🤗
Thank you! That's such a lovely way to phrase it. I'm so caught up in worrying about the moment being perfect that I tend to lose sight of the meaning behind it.
I had already started looking for men's engagement rings. Next will be talking to our friends and coordinating something without him knowing. Fingers crossed 🤞
@KaleighSkys
I'm.so rooting for you 💚🤗
@KaleighSkys
there will always be bills and life the idea of the "right" time is a fantasy.
if you want that done of course, do it.
@KaleighSkys I know you mentioned that financially getting married would be even more of a burden, but if I may put my 2 cents in here...
If you are waiting for the perfect time, that time will pass you and him by. There will always be bills, financial commitments, etc because it's part of life. Life waits for no one.
10 years is a long time to be with someone. You know what that person shows you, you pick up on their ways, and you even get to know them even through their silence. You mentioned you can't envision your life without him. It's clear you love him and I'm glad he makes you feel loved in return. 10 years though is worth being celebrated. 👏
You know, people get married for all different reasons. But the reason to do so should be between the both of you. Without influence. I know watching others around your age in life settling down and getting married may seem appeasing, but please try not to let that add to your pressure of wanting to marry.
Marriage is a commitment. It's truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I say this only because my husband is and will always be the only man I had to make a vow before God to love. Think about that for a second-- I never had to make a vow to love my parents, my kids, friends, etc. Of all the world, I am obligated to only vow to love just the one I chose to marry. It's deep, in my opinion.
I just wanted to share that with you. Marriage and the love between two people can be beautiful. There are benefits, but it will take time to nourish it. So again, this has to be something you and him both decide without influence. It's both of you saying "I will love you and stand beside you through it all-- through every thing." There is not the perfect time. I don't want to seem negative, but this post of yours speaks to my heart.
And I apologize in advance that what I say next will be a bit cliché but... remember time and the next day is never guaranteed for anyone. Something can keep being put off, but the day never comes because something else will come up. It's just life.
People make time for the people who matter to them. You don't need a ring on your finger or his to confess your love. If that love is strong, let it be. No pressures. Being with your person should take some of that burden off. I hope that when opportunity presents itself that you get out of this relationship what you hope. I hope the love you both have for each other is always well lit. I wish you and him all the best. Much success, health, love, happiness, forgiveness, and growth. Best of luck!
