Parents and disabled needs adult child relationship causing stress on both parties

actually last "Dad Story" I forgot this one

On Monday of 2 weeks ago   I went to get food from Wendy's -this week was the best week for me to do it because I'm busy for rest of the month-Pancake supper last Tuesday  and Mom has to sing in the choir on Ash Wednesday so that means an early supper,  and this week on Wednesday- Mom and I are going to be seeing the Aladdin the musical play in Toto,  and the following week- I was suppose to help Grace (but she no longer needs me)

I really like to be able to have newspaper section I read right next to my placement so i can read it so occasionally my food get on it-especially on Thursday morning when I have oatmeal or cereal and they get dropped onto the paper when I'm eating & reading.

I came home from getting food,  put two things (portabella mushroom burger and baked potato) into the fridge to turn into 2 meals and then unload the lunch for that day- Dave's Single Cheese burger and Chili fries.   And with the few sections I was in the kitchen again putting the 2nd bag (they gave me 2 bags with the 2 meals)-into the recycling and getting a plate for me to put the burger on- and in the few mins  Dad who was for some reason having his breakfast at almost noon,  and he had been up since shortly before 10:45 (because I went downstairs at the time to leave)-had moved the section of the newspaper I was going to read way to far out of my way and that ticked me off really- because I need to have it close to me.

So when I moved it back to where I wanted and Dad kept moving it and telling me to open up the *bacon* container  that had the chill fries in it-because he was so  *bacon* paranoid that the *bacon* container will spill onto the *bacon* newspaper.

So Dad and I started an entire fight about it (We made up later like we always do).  For some reason Mom didn't hear us and yet she normally hear us when we have this kind of  a fight. 

Just one major Mom story (I might later include some Mom stories like the "axniety" thread i have about Dad and Luna

Mom makes it difficult to have close contact outside of FB with high school (and one childhood friend)

Background:

I sometimes wish I could be in more personal contact,  um still maintain my ties to some of my "high school" girl friends.  For the purpose of this post  I'm going to call the friends Sage (my oldest friend, and the only one I actually remember from childhood because of our church),  Lucy (She and I were in Sparks together when we were 5  but we didn't meet up again until Gr.9/10 when we're in confirmation class but she reintroduced herself to me but I had seen snippets of her in the high school hall),  Kira (no snippets about her except her boyfriend is a year or 2 older then us), and Shelby (been with her now-husband for the longest time). Both Sage and Shelby live in or around the Toto, the capital city of our province.

The problem is I can't go into "Toto" without a body guard so just asking my Mom to let me go see them is a never ending problem.   I think the reason I can't go into Toto is has to do with cops not being nice to people with Mental health or psychically disabilities in the same manner they 'aren't nice" to non-white folks.

Story 1:

As a young adult after Sage & Shelby moved with their now husbands to and around Toto- I asked my Mom several times and every single time I asked Mom was constantly saying "We'll See" which in Mom-talk means "No" coming from her.   Which was really annoying for someone who was at the time in her mid 20s.

Story 2:

Some years later I asked Mom again the same question as in Story 1 and Mom was like "This is what would happen" 

1.Mom and I would go into Toto together

2. while I'm catching up with one friend or the other she's goes and does something else 

3. she and I meet back up

4.  Don't know?

Story 3:

The last time I asked Mom about seeing the Toto friends- my  Mom was like "You could visit them at their parents when they next visit"  which isn't the same as 1)being in or around Toto and 2)it would be awkward  being at Shelby's parents house since I don't know her parents. 

 I  know- Sage's mom (childhood friend), Lucy's Mom and I know her Dad in passing,  I know  Kira's parents because Shelby's, Lucy and I went to their home once in high school for a school project for my Dad's class.  Heck I know a semi-friend Carmen's Dad because I introduced myself to him late last year.

I really don't like having a bodyguard to go into Toto.  I mean if they meet me at the station like Aunt Maria meet Mom and I at the station near her about 19 years ago  do I really need a bodyguard for Toto just to go into it? Especially when I'm perfectly capable of taking the train both directions by myself.   

Mini Stories: 

 a)  I mean the first time I took a train by myself was coming home to Willow-and Mom had to pay for my ticket, and rushed me to the accessible car and put me in there because she had to stay in Toto for a "teacher's conference". 

b)The second time I went on the train it was going into Toto and I was 17 almost 18 then.   Mom was already in Toto for the teacher's conference like before.  So Dad drove me to the station, and I brought my ticket and I went up to the platform, because at the time I was not very familiar with the stops despite basically  growing up on the train- I decided to sit in the accessible car just so I could make sure I get off at the right stop. 

Thoughts:

I think the reason I'm not allowed to go into Toto on my own despite almost growing up in there as much as I "grew up" on the train if you know what I mean by that-   is that they're afraid of me having a melt down about something minor like a sidewalk being blocked, or a subway is late and I will be arrested and put into jail or something.    Toto  Cops are not kind to disabled people with mental problems. 

Additional thoughts:

But even w/o meeting friends.. during the time when I was forced to have my Dad at my appointments in 2016-2019- in late 2018, and early 2019 (check the Anxiety from Dad/and some from my sister thread) - I literally begged my Mom to let me go on my Doctor's appointment on my own to the doc's appointments in Toto.  Just anything not to have Dad take me.  

I even made an entire schedule-  I would take X train to Toto's Union Station take the TTC (Toto Transit company)- to X station which is almost outside of the hospital I need to go too,  go to the blood work lab, take out my healthcare card, take a number, get called,  and then go have lunch  at their cafeteria,  and then go upstairs and wait for my appointment.   

Depending on if my appointment doesn't get delayed- I could go do something else  afterwards like go to the Museum, or something.  Then go have supper someplace and then come home on the same train system. and  despite that schedule I STILL had to take my Dad because in Mom's words "I might not be able to understand the doctor on my own".  She doesn't think about the fact they're might be causing that problem?   

But she finally allowing me to start the process of being in the doctor's room by myself.-Mom or Dad can be in the room for questions only but for the exam they'll leave.   

When I had my appointment with my family doctor in Nov -I had to ask Mom to come in a couple of times because I couldn't really answer/not used to having to answer for myself due to too many years of having an adult be in the room with me when discussing shots and such even though I was an adult as well at the time.   But my Dad apparently got really annoyed when Mom and I got back in the car that I had to call Mom back in twice but really its none of his business 

Before I get back into stories about my Mom here's one last one about my Dad:

One year ages ago now- Mom and I got myself microwave bacon for me to use.  Because I was not used to having it in the fridge I forgot about it a lot.   

One day I can't remember  weather it was a Monday or a Thursday but I'm leaning towards it being Thursday  I come home from the program and I found Dad chopping my mircowave bacon into pieces "because it was going stale" I mean couldn't he have at least ASK before doing that kind of crap?   

And Mom said if we get another microwave bacon for me at some point Mom will tell Dad to keep his hands OFF of the box despite it "going stale"

I have a better relationship with my Mom then I do with my Dad but  she has gotten really annoyed about Dad's and my constantly having fights.  To the point she tells me she wants to pack her bags and leave  but she knows if that was to happen, Dad and I were "unalive" each other by the middle of the next day or something.

I do get grumpy with her if we have to walk a VERY long distance from one place to another and its more annoying when I'm wearing my "Frakenboots" as well so I might start snipping at her

I'm getting really annoyed with Mom's hearing and I hate that I basically always have to shout at her but she ALWAYS blames it on me "not speaking clearly" or "I sallow words"  like yesterday I was talking about the 2019 Aladdin movie which Mom somehow had forgotten despite seeing it.. I said "In the 2019 Aladdin movie, Jasmine had a song called Speechless"  but Mom heard "In the 2019 Aladdin movie. Jasmine(blank) Speechless" is what Mom heard. 

Mom was Originally was going to get her hearing tested when I got mine done but unforutnely we doubled book ourselves for Jan 8th so Mom couldn't do it.  So at this moment she still hasn't gotten her hearing tested and I would just would like her to get the *bacon* job done so we have proof now that Mom's has hearing problems. 

Mom problems part 1:

Background:

Due to low fine motor skills I need help with doing (braiding) my hair and also I can't use normal dental floss so at the time we're trying to use pokey stick version but Mom needed to help me with that and one day she got annoyed about having to help me so much and basically yelled at me

Background:

In 2018 my Mom broke her wrist after she fell on the way home from church -the one time she decided not to take the bundle buggy to church with her on Sunday!.  IT was a very icy Sunday mind you.  So it meant that beside helping her with other needs (getting her bra on and off for instance in morning and night-basically the ONLY time I ever had an excuse to stay up late), she needed my help with laundry stuff as well.   And by the time of the story we had a routine down.   Oh one last thing-I always had disabilities since I was a baby so my parents had to pay more attention to me then Luna my sister 

Story:

One day when Mom and I were doing laundry in 2018 after Mom broke her wrist, Luna (my sister0 decided to visit.  And I waited the one hour for the next load to be put in but Mom didn't want to do it but I got upset (ie had a meltdown) because we had always been doing the loads an hour after each other.  And Mom didn't tell me WHEN we would do it because they rather visit with Luna then deal with the laundry.   Later Mom yelled at me and said "I was horrible" and "I was 'acting like the way child Luna acted when they were dealing with you'. "   

Personally I think the comparison is unfair- I have routines that I need to be "done" and when I have a settled routine I don't like breaking the routine at all that it NEEDS to continue or else I have a meltdown   -Luna isn't on the Autism Spectrum like Dad and I are so that the two behaviors aren't the same. 

Mom Problems part 2 2019(?):

Background:

Due to Mom's broken wrist I took over the job of making the fruit for Mom and I.  And I continued doing that even after Mom's wrist was back to normal up until March 2020 when the lockdown happened. So it meant that my evenings during the week were:  Sunday night-make fruit, Monday night-make fruit, Tuesday night make fruit, Wednesday night make fruit, Thursday night -make fruit.  the only night I didn't have to make fruit was Friday and Saturday night  the only exception for Friday night was if Mom and I were going into Toto on Saturday.   But if we weren't going anywhere on Saturday Mom would make the fruit on Saturday afternoon.

 At the time of the story that on  Saturday Mom and I went into Toto to see two exhibits one at a "Royal" Museum which has an ugly glass  building on one side.   And the other one is an Art Gallery. I'm pretty sure the Sunday of this story was the same day we discovered Dad tried to be 'helpful' the day before-and put dishes away not thinking about the fact that we had leftover Chinese food on the Friday night. 

Story

On Sunday I was on my computer and Mom was doing laundry.  it was about 1pm in the afternoon and Mom asked me to make the fruit or else we wouldn't be having the fruit until later then 2pm. But I knew I would also have to be making the fruit that evening again.. so I kind of exploded. about it that I just blew up because I didn't want to have to make it for both that afternoon and that evening for the following day.  Mom had to take her turn sometime because I had done it all *bacon* week.

I had a major problem with my Mom last summer.  We were in "Bard's town'  to see I think it was 5 plays in 3 days or something (travelled there by bus on Friday, and then getting back to Toto by coach and getting home to Willow by Train).  

Background:

Prior to 2018, at the main street of Bard's town there was a Tim Horton's on there. But it was gone by 2018, and it was replaced by a Popeye's restaurant.  And somewhere else on main street long before Mom and I started going there was a Chinese restaurant which got replaced by a Domino's.   And about 3 years into the Mom and I going to Bard's town- there was a Subway sandwich restaurant next-door to a computer store.  About a year before Covid Subway got replaced by a non-brand of a dinner restaurant.  On another street in the town there's a Japanese-Korean restaurant 

Story:

Mom and I got to the town okay on Day 1 out of the 2 and a half days we were there.   We went to have supper at Japanese restaurant (after we tried to find a different restaurant unsuccessfully) and I think our plan was to have Popeye's for supper the next night.   For breakfast the next day we went to the Dinner place for breakfast lunch,  and Mom then decided halfway throughout the day of not going to either Popeye's or Domino's for supper and we went back to Japanese Korean Resturant.   

We then walked from the restaurant to the Domino';s and it was a long hike-but I think if we had gone a different way then we did, it would have been much shorter.  The only reason we walked to Domino's was because we thought about having brunch there the next day, but due to the distant-we decided to have brunch at Popeye's.  

The next day instead of going to Popeye's like Mom promised we instead want back to the brunch restaurant and had another morning of another kind of sandwich.  And Mom then "promised" we would have Popeye's for dinner but 1)our play got out early (unlike our usual problem about having to "hurry, hurry, hurry",  and 2)we didn't want to have to drag our suitcases up to Popeye's and then back down to the bus area).   And then Mom 'promised" we would have "Popeye's when we get back home"  but instead of having Popeye's or Dominos at all when in Bard's town,  we didn't have it at ALL until our two movie trips out after we got home.    At some point in the trip Mom's excuse was "*we can have Domino's/Popeye's at home"  but yet she never pulled that excuse out of left field when Popeye's was Tim Hortons or the dinner place was Subway.    So basically  it means I had about 4 sandwhiches in two days- 3 in row on Sunday- breakfast, and 2 different sandwhichees for supper- one to tide me over until we got to Toto and then another one at Toto's union station-despite her promisng me before that we would have "Popeye's when we got back to town". 

*And its not really the same having Domino's or Popeye's at home because Dad's still paranoid about Covid so it means him, Mom and I can't eat out if there's room in the place to eat the food there.  So it means we have to take the food "to go" instead and eat it at home. Which doesn;t excatly have the same feel to it if you get my drift.

It like Mom kept promising me we would do X food and then KEPT BREAKING HER PROMISES. I mean how can I trust whatever she tells me anymore?