pwBPD says he loves me but is attracted to someone else
Hi everyone. My pwBPD and I are currently on a limited contact break. We are long distance and have been together for about 8 years. It was never a perfect relationship since it started when I was 18 and didn’t know what BPD was.
About 2 weeks ago, I found out that he was talking to his ex (who he dated for 1 month like 9 years ago) and while he was trying to befriend her, had a psychotic break since he was stressed about wondering if our relationship was correct, wondering if there was someone better out there, and trying to maintain a friendly boundary with this ex which was hard. He broke up with me that day and then wanted to get back with me the next day. However, he mentioned that he always feels empty with me. That his ex makes him not feel empty. That he has felt this way for two years now and he doesn’t know what to do. He claims he still loves me but prioritizes his ex over me. He doesn’t know if our relationship will work since he needs to feel that spark again. He hasn’t felt it in 2 years. I will admit that 2 years ago I started my full time job and I was slowly giving up on us. But in the last few months, I was looking forward to our relationship again so the break up shocked me.
Now we are on a break since I can’t stop being jealous about the ex he says she is only his friend. Yet he continues to want to spend more time with her than me just because she makes him feel good.
I’m not sure what to do anymore. I feel like I am losing my mind. He keeps telling me he loves me and that we have potential but he just needs to feel that spark again. I’m scared I cannot.
@sunnyPear5890
I'm sorry he has done this to you.
He cannot expect to talk to someone else, say you make him feel empty and expect you to wait.
You need more than what he is offering.
You deserve better.
To be number one.
To be prioritised.
Not wasting time on the wrong person.
I genuinely hope you find someone who makes you the happiest that you deserve and doesn't give you mixed messages!
💜💕
@sunnyPear5890
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. However, remember it is never your fault how someone else handles their emotions. That was not okay for him to project his own struggl.es onto you. I do hope it gets better <3
@InsightfulPhoenix Thank you so much. It's so difficult to feel the difference. He is so cold and distant. I miss him every day. We used to have good times but perhaps, they weren't so good for him. I wish I could hug him. I hope he misses me even though I think he doesn't. I am so scared 🫂
@sunnyPear5890
The wisest thing someone once told me was, "when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time." and this is something that perhaps would be of use in this situation, and again I am sorry this is happening. Sometimes, others will project their emotional stress onto us because of their own lack of awareness of themselves. However, you are brave for speaking up about your discomforts. <3
