15 years of marriage and my wife is NEVER in the mood
I still love and adore my wife and we have been together for 15 years. Because I love her just the sight of her turns me on and my passion for her is endless. Unfortunately, she is the exact opposite and to the point I was concerned she was maybe seeing someone else. I’ve never had any problems pleasing partners in past relationships and I for sure have “more-than-adequate” equipment. She’s a wonderful woman, a fantastic mother and the only thing missing from a perfect marriage is the romance. It’s frustrating for me because it usually takes 2-4 days just to even set the scene for ANYTHING to happen and when it does happen she wants it to be over as fast as possible…barely any kissing, no foreplay, barely any talking, just wants me to hurry up. It leaves me feeling like I’m assaulting my own wife, I’m not spiritually fulfilled and she’s just glad it’s over. This has been a 13-year battle but I’m unsure what else to do. She hates spontaneous advances, sex toys & games are a no go, she doesn’t want to try any cosplay/roleplay, I have no idea what else I can try to stimulate her more. I’m open to any advice
@ManoftheMoon88
Good for you trying to sort this out. As you describe you are very attracted to her and want to show it. For many women the attraction is in emotional connection. If I do not feel that I do not want to. If we do I want it over ASAP and grew to resent spouse.
Emotional connection may be different for each person. People always talk about what it was like when you first met or married. The difference from then to now... how you treated each other and compliments not expecting anything....... making calls or text to just hear their voice, not just to remind someone of an errand or chore. How you make her feel emotionally is far more important than physically. Hard for men to understand because they are often opposite where physical touch is more important.
To try to recreate, you need honest communication. Can you have time alone to have a serious talk.
I have been flirted with by other men, and they made me feel interesting and fun and complimented me. I liked who I am while talking with them. I realized they are not necessarily better looking but they appreciated me and showed interest in my thought and feelings. If I had the ability to choose, I would pick them over my spouse every time.
Marriages often go on auto pilot, and no one notices until it is on course to crash. Spouse thinks when he is in the mood, I should figure out how to be into it.
I couldn’t agree me and trust me I try;
At home I try to take care of everything aside from cleaning the kitchen and kids laundry but I do most everything else so she can be pampered. But she’s always tired.
@ManoftheMoon88
Tired is a catch all IMO.
we can be tired if we do physical items all the time or mentally tired which can be depressed or unhappy as well. So many seem to think why is someone depressed or not happy if on surface everything seems OK. This is when pulling the layers back and total honesty can help. Her issues could be life in general. I had issues with a job and other items but that was not considered. Communication is far more than talking. it is listening intently and trying to put yourself in the other persons viewpoint.
Have you used the "I feel " statements to tell her how you feel. These are great because people cannot debate how you feel or tell you that you are wrong.
if my spouse would have said "I feel so attracted to you and I love you. I want to show you and have it be a great experience for both" or "I feel when we do it, you are not interested and I would like to fix it or know why. " Instead, he took it wrong, got defensive, and created a bigger issue bought toys for role play ...that turned me off even more....... fixing it does not happen if you do not know what is wrong.
I used tired or not feeling well more as an excuse then really feeling that way. I am completely aware your situation may be different I am just trying to show from my perspective.