Porn problems
Hello there. Let me start off with this I don't think porn is bad, people who choose to watch it isn't bad.
But in this situation, I asked my boyfriend of 5 years not to watch it when we started getting more serious, seeing each other almost everyday. And If he had told me I would have forgiven him cause he would be honest about it.
He watched porn for almost 2 years. When he watched the videos he didn't feel any guilt about how I would think about it. In the moment of him watching the videos he thought it was real life. That he was actually having sex with the various wemon in the videos, every single time. He started to blame me for not being able to have sex like a pornstar, he blamed me for not being good enough, he blamed me for not being them. He blamed me for everything he thought was wrong. even though neither of us had any past sexual experiences. He thought he was a big hotshot pornstar cause when he watched porn it was real to him.
If it was just watching porn for the sex, I wouldn't have cared as much. But it's the fact that he wanted to have sex with them over me each and every time. And it's not like he didn't anything of me to get off too, he did. But still chose them.
I caught him almost 2 years ago, and am trying to peice the puzzle together of why he did it, of why he chose them over me, of why he blamed me. But Everytime I ask he yells at me and starts arguing with me or lies.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to leave him but I'm so hurt over what he has done.
@intelligentAvocado8214
It is really difficult to get over someone not being truthful, especially when they blame you. It sounds like he might have an addiction to porn and that is nothing to do with anything you have done wrong. You deserve honesty and trust.
I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. I’m going through a problem with my husband being addicted to porn(as you saw on my thread). But it hasn’t reached that level of seriousness. I’ve heard of porn addicts therapy, but he would have to be willing and wanting to quit for himself. He needs to see what the porn is doing to him first off. I’ve done my research and tell my husband everything I learn, and that is what led him to finally see how the porn is negatively effecting him. He is actively trying to quit to save our relationship, but it has been really difficult. We almost broke up many times and I almost had to leave to stay the night some other place on multiple occasions because it was hurting me so bad.
you must love him very much, because if my husband was comparing me to a porn star, I would honestly have left by now. I really don’t think that’s okay to treat a girlfriend that way, because obviously it’s impossible for us to be professionals at sex when it’s our first sexual partner. Even if it wasn’t your first! Pornstars get paid for what they do, and it’s focused on pleasing the man, so of course they’ll want that.
ive asked my husband what he wants me to do in bed, and I also started talking to someone about my problems, and she really worked things out with me. I try to please my husband better in bed, but he also has to please me. It’s a 2-way street. Please don’t let your boyfriend make you feel so badly :( that sounds terrible. Again, I’m so sorry. I hope everything comes together somehow
This is very challenging topic for a lot of people, it's become an addiction for many, sometimes people seek professional help, to understand how to navigate this in their relationship,
He could have a lack of realistic relationship experience outside of his relationship with you. He could just be really immature (if he's a younger man, it's understandable).
He could be in denial of the situation, because blaming the partner is often much easier than admiting fault (I've done this lots with my husband, especially when we started separating).
Ultimately, one of the most important parts of a relationship is good communication. If this is something that's affecting your relationship, then you have to decide if it's worth the argument. Be honest with your partner about how this is affecting your relationship, especially if he seems to prefer moving images of people to real people.
Maybe consider talking to a therapist who specializes in sex addiction. Consider the pros and cons of your relationship.
And consider the idea that an end may be in sight. Separation isn't easy, and sometimes it's because we feel we can't go on without the other person, but that's not the case.
Talk to your boyfriend first. Be patient, be willing to listen, don't argue. Take it slow, and don't be critical. No blaming. See what happens.
