Am I acting to irrationally ??

@generousTree1910 I would feel disrespected too. I hope you can express your feelings to him and see if he's willing to change those habits for you. Him not being present is a form of betrayal, it's the hardest type of betrayal.. you have every right to feel upset by it.

I mean, i guess it depends on your relationship, but I personally don't mind if my boyfriend doesn't tell me where he is all the time or everything he plans to do during the day. The way i see it, even though you're in a relationship, you're still two individuals with individual lives. Some degree of independence should still remain. You knew he was going out with friends, he let you know he was safe... not informing you of every venue he went to while you were asleep anyway doesn't really seem disrespectful.

being engaged or even married does not mean keeping tabs 24/7 on your partner ... sounds like you might have trust issues.

This type of overreach IMO will not end well....people need to trust and respect each other not monitor them as if they are untrustworthy ... Why is it so important you are informed of every club and every move...

granted if he likes to party and has had a past of getting into trouble but simply monitoring would not resolve that .... give him a break .....

@generousTree1910

From his perspective, he probably feels he fulfilled his obligations to you by turning on his location (which some partners don’t even think to do), was sending you texts throughout the night about what was happening, and even at one point when you were asleep and must not have been responding he still continued to send you a video and texts..

So it’s not like he was going out of his way to be secretive or didn’t disclose what he was doing, or was ignoring you completely. At the same time he must have felt he was having a night out - the point of which was to enjoy himself, not to constantly report his whereabouts. So maybe he felt he sincerely had done enough. Also, since you are long distance, maybe he doesn’t feel like he has anyone ‘at home waiting for him’ exactly. Perhaps he might have behaved differently if you had scheduled a video call at a certain time in the morning.

I think the issue is more that his behaviour does not meet your expectations. You state in the last part that you don’t believe people in serious relationships should be partying at all hours if they have someone waiting for them to come home; that you felt disrespected. So maybe part of you is concerned that his behaviour that night is a reflection of how things will be in the future? It sounds like you don’t think he is taking the relationship seriously enough (as you made a contrast between how you behave with how he behaves).

It sounds like part of your conflict is grounded in your differences as people, and you are both still discovering each other and learning these differences, the process creates moments of friction. Keep in mind 6 months is a very short time to know somebody intimately, which I think explains why there is such a difference in your expectations of his behaviour as compared with his actual behaviour. It’s like taking a pebble and predicting the size of the mountain that it came from based on what you hold only in your hand.

I think you need to take more time to understand each other deeply. What would it mean to be with you in a practical sense? How would his life change? If he has to sacrifice partying every week till 4 am to do chores instead, would he accept it? If you wanted him to stop associating with his friends that got into fights every week could he do it? If he wanted you to come to more of his parties and wanted you to stay til late would you do it? And would you both be happy, or would you both feel like you’re sacrificing something? Would he feel like he has to become someone else in order to be with you and make you happy?

It is easy to buy a promise ring and make promises - but making genuine sacrifices, and long term commitments is completely different. Do you love him for who he is; or only for who you would like him to be? Do you see the person that he is or only who you think he is?

I think only time and more conversations, and deliberate conscious attempts to understand each other will reveal to you both the difference in all of these things.

I hope everything works out for you both, whatever the future might hold.

CatsInTheCradle

I don’t think it’s “crazy” at all. I’m a girl who’s been in phases in relationships or just with someone in general where I want to check up and feel they should be out that late but they want to enjoy time with their friends. I had a pretty traumatic experience that made my anxiety high and worry a lot and I kind of put that on my current partner even though the trauma was caused by someone else. After realizing that I had to stop and reflect for a while and try to sort things out. I wonder if you don’t mind answering if you ever experienced a reason to worry be it with him or someone else, or do you just worry in general because you don’t feel he has any business being out like that?

It’s just a difference of opinion I believe between you two. You think he should be updating you because if you were the one going out you do that, BUT it’s easy for you to say bexwuse you don’t believe someone should even be out that late. Whereas I can imagine he feels he should be able to enjoy his time out without having to check his phone. That said, if he’s in a relationship and his partner isn’t comfortable with that he maybe should be willing to compromise some. It sounds like he wants to live a life where he doesn’t have to answer to anyone but at the same time have his partner. Maybe being long distance he feels he has the freedom to do this. Maybe you can ask him if he would still lead this lifestyle if you two were not long distance or ask him what will change when you two are together physically without distance separating you?