An unhealthy relationship?

@superfoodjunk Hey :) In my opinion, it really sounds like an unhealthy relationship because he doesn't seem to make an effort to try to step into your shoes to try to understand the emotional side of you. Over-analyzing things can cause a lot of stress I understand but IMO, I don't think it is entirely your fault that you have that habit, since he seems to be 'passive' in your relationship. Judging by how he 'doesn't need to try because he knows we won't break up' could mean that he isn't going to put a lot of effort in making you feel truly loved, satisfied and happy. You did the right thing by asking him for clearer communication, however I am sorry to hear that he didn't take that well, and being all defensive at small things like this really raise a red flag at the way this relationship is going. Two years is a long time, however IMO, you would drain yourself out and I totally have experinced that physical heart ache before and to be honest, letting him go is the only way to solve that ache if things doesn't change in the relationship. And important: You are NOT over reacting. You are being a normal human being.

If you think you couldn't live without somebody and if you think that you can never be happy if you let that person go, what about all the joy that you have had before that person came into your life? Are those happy moments not valid? So you can definitely find happiness and love elsewhere if you are hurting so much when loving that person you are with. A healthy relationship needs good communication and understanding, especially at an emotional level, and it involves people being happy and content with what the relationship brings to them.

It is not your fault. You are not in the wrong, this I can say for sure. You have no need to apologize because he isn't treating you right. You deserve better. Your happiness is more important. All the best x

@superfoodjunk

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I need some advice on what seems like an unhealthy relationship but only from my point of view (not my boyfriends).

Im quite emotional compared to him (I get the feeling you are dismissing how you feel here) so I think I definitely over analyse situations(This could be related to anxiety) which is why we tend to get upset with each other (You are putting all of the blame on yourself when you both played a part of the arguments. It's not fair you are carrying all of the fault and blame for what happens) and I have recognised this as an unhealthy habit and am trying to fix it. However, it feels like while im doing all these things to better us together and get closer that he is doing nothing. (This tells me he doesn't see he has a problem, projects how he feels on you, and shifts the blame on you). He tells me that he doesnt need to try because he knows we wont break up(This indicates he doesn't respect you or the relationship, he knows you will never leave him, so he doesn't see the need to change. I get the feeling you let him disrespect you, which makes you not value you) and accused me of trying to change him when I asked if he could be clearer with communication (What you asked seems reasonable, but he often projects on you and he is not going to any self-improvement for you because he doesn't see a problem with anything he does) (I was not asking for the world or anything like that). I genuinely get physical heart ache from stress because of him sometimes honestly and I think I am putting through myself through a lot. (The heartache has to do with feeling disconnected from him, and you don't feel safe in this relationship. He doesn't treat you properly or makes you feel understood, so it triggers your past hurt and then you feel intense physical/emotional pain)

I dont want to leave him; (This indicates your happiness and well being revolves around him. You are afraid your unmet needs stays unmet and afraid of being lonely) I couldnt imagine a life without him (cliche I know) but honestly I would not ready to throw two years away. (I don't think you are throwing years away, its just he is not treating you properly) I just want someone to tell me Im overreacting and to pull myself together. (You are not overeacting, you are dealing with a man who will never change)

However, I am not happy. Ive given up on addressing my issues because he always gets so defensive (This indicates he doesn't have emotional self control, lacks empathy and have poor communication problem. He gets mad and defensive in a way to make you stop and do what he wants) and I end up apologising most of the time. (Those apologies are not genuine, you are doing them to not lose him. Your apologies will make him lsoe respect and then he will continue those behaviors) It doesnt feel right.