Boyfriend said he needs a break, I don't think it's a good idea.

@xb Your feelings make perfect sense. I, too, have watched a loved one struggle with depression and felt at a loss as to how to help her, and she pushed me away too. I have been depressed myself and pushed people away or ignored them because I felt like they couldn't help me, and I didn't want to bog them down with my heaviness. What you've described sounds like your boyfriend has good intentions toward and cares about you very much. Depression is hard - it feels to the sufferer that there aren't easy answers, and people's help can sometimes feel like pressure on them to get better faster or like they aren't trying hard enough to get better. I can see why you would worry about him getting worse without you as actively in his life, but ultimately it has to be his choice and sometimes surrendering and allowing someone to do what they need to do can be the most loving action we can take. I know that is easier said than done, however.

@xb

I personally have had a very dark experience with my ex who had depression and wanted a break. To make a long story short, he had depression and suddenly one day told me he needed a break. His last words before he left was, that he needed to leave and wasn't sure if or when he would be back but all he knew was that he loved me. After about 9 months of crying, worrying and wondering what exactly happened, he came back. He ended up telling me some pretty dark stuff had happened (he wanted to end his life, that's why he left) and that "he was better now". He wasn't sadly and it took me five years in total to realize that our once beautiful relationship had grown toxic from mistrust, lies and fears of abandonment. His "breaks" became more frequent to the point where I was lucky if I saw him a few times a month. However I stuck with him because I truly thought it would be worth it for both of us. Sadly, it wasn't and it ended up in major heartbreak.

I guess the point of my story is, I agree that sticking together despite hardship tends to strengthen a relationship. I think not being able to work it out as a couple can have dire consequences in the end for the relationship. However, that doesn't seem to be an option for you so if he's truly wanting time away, I think some questions should be asked. Will he completely cut off contact during this break? If so, for how long? Will you both commit to remaining faithful to each other or is this "break" more if a breakup than a temporary time of just figuring things out? If he agrees to remaining friendly with you and will communicate, then I think that will be a plus, which could actually make this break work and remain a couple afterwards. If he needs to completely cut off contact for awhile, then I would honestly reconsider the romantic relationship as he clearly is not in the right head space for commitment.

I know right now all you want is for him to feel better. I admire that, it shows how much you love him. Just make sure you care for yourself and also consider your own feelings in this tough situation. You're important too, don't forget that.

Take care and good luck

@xb

My boyfriend of 1 year has been struggling with depression and bipolar symptoms. He is medicated by a psychiatrist but has not talked with a therapist for some time (This doesn't sound good, medicines are about 10-30% of the work, and the rest it's done by seeing a therapist. In other words, Medicines are only used to stabilize symptoms while he work on things with a therapist). I recently opened up about him not putting much effort into the relationship, which had been troubling me for some time (This tells me he has not put his best foot forward for awhile and possibly stop doing the things that made you fall for him). He said he needed some time to think about what I had said and ultimately decided it would be better for both of us if we took some time apart so he could try to get some more help (He shouldn't have done this, I could understand he has depression, but taking time apart doesn't solve the issue, it puts more distance and stress on you. You were trying to communicate how you felt, and he should have listen). I just want to be there for him and help him get the resources he needs. I'm so worried that he'll just get worse without me around and I love him so much I don't know what to do I just want to help him and be there for him (Men tend to solve problems by going through their cave, while women solve their problems through talking, in here he is going into that cave, but also isolating himself). He said he just doesn't want to drag me through his issues but all I want is to support and love him. I'm really hurting right now I don't know what to do. I have my own struggles with depression and anxiety and I've been better lately with him around but this situation is the hardest thing I've had to deal with in a long time. I really need some advice. (You see, you tried to work things out by communicating while he backed away and saked for space. You don't want to be going after someone who is asking for space it'll push him away even further, in this case you should nothing, wait to hear from him)