Can't cope with husbands negativity anymore
Hi all, very new here and just found this today! Was actually looking for an online therapist but anyways here I go :)
I've been with my husband for almost 10 years, married for 4. We have 2 children.
To cut a long story short, we are 2 completely different people. I'm more of a hippy zen mom, positive parenting, don't tend to dwell or think much about negative things that come across my way. My husband is very unhappy with his life in general and shows it all the time. I've tried to help, but my way of doing things are just "emotionless" apparently (because I don't rant all day). He's always complaining about the people at his work, the topics they talk about (they're boring etc). He complains that there's no kind of entertainment where we live. He's always nagging at me or the kids. We, and I mean everyone around him, simply don't live up to his high standards.
Now normally I could look past that, it's his way of figuring out his life and I support him, and we do talk about this a lot. However, with my kids growing older now, it's starting to rub off on them. All this negative talk, these comments, they can get mean and I can't stand them! I can't even have a decent conversation with him anymore without some comment. He says that it's just the way he is, that he won't change his ways and we shouldn't be so sensitive to what he says (ie, don't take anything personal). I'm growing tired of even speaking to him, knowing what's going to come out of his mouth is negative. How many more times am I going to discuss this with him?
If we didn't have children, I'd probably end the relationship at this point. But I don't want to be that person who splits up the family. The kids adore him, he is a fun dad, he helps a lot around the house and he treats me well. I know his nagging and commenting are all just a cry for help, and he's trying his best, but I am at the end of my patience I think.
Looking forward to any thoughts you might have.
@redSailboat8938
Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Trying to live with someone who is constantly negative and expects others to put up with it is so exhausting. It sounds like you've already tried to discuss this with him several times, but it's not something that has significantly changed for the better, and in fact is getting 'worse' as you fear your children are also becoming too negative. Probably an obvious question, but have you tried bringing up marriage counseling with him? Or even family counseling, with the children. It's also important to remember that being at the end of your patience is totally okay, and doesn't make you a bad person or anything - it sure sounds like you've tried a lot, and aren't just 'giving up'. Maintaining the health and happiness of the family is very important, but your individual mental health is too - for your sake but also in turn, for your family's.
Have you seen 7 cups' actual therapists? It sounds like that was what you were looking for originally, though the forums and listners are great support as well!
@WildUnknown
Yes I will probably end up doing so.
Just a note on the side, I think the reason why it's bothering me so much now is because I'm studying to become a life coach, so I am learing so much on how to improve ones life. I'm also learning about the things I shouldn't put up with and I don't want. At the sime time I am seeing how much he is self sabotaging his own life and choosing to focus on the negative things around him. It's quite sad actually. He's older than me but I feel like on a personal level I am so much further ahead than him. And he's not willing to try. He just says "how can you be like this, ignoring all those things??" and it basically sounds like an accusation. It's like the negativity drives him, and he feels like he will loose himself if he stops. He's scared to go for any kind of spirituality or whatever you may call it.