Depressed boyfriend affecting my mental health
Hey guys. My boyfriend is in a really bad situation and he is making my life a living hell (unintentionally). He suffers from depression to which i try to stay calm most of the time but i lose my calm too sometimes. Even ive been suffering from depression since the past 5 years but when we got into a relationship i didnt know about his reality. He knew mine. He tortures me soo much mentally that its effecting my mental health now. Ive lost my sleep. Severe headaches to the point I feel my nerves will burst any moment. He has no support in family. He doesnt live with his parents. He lives with his aunt. Hes suicidal most of the time. I feel bad for all of this. I tried talking to his aunt that he needs supervision, he needs counselling. But she doesnt understand. Dont know what to do. I tried talking to him that you need therapy, counselling but he also doesnt realise that he needs help. Please help me out guys. I cant leave him because what if he suicides? He already feels very lonely. But his negative thoughts, getting sensitive on every other issue has made my life very difficult. Please advice me.
Your fears are totally understandable. However, you did all you could to help him: you supported him, advised him, you reached out to his aunt to get help for him. But now your health is being damaged two, and there's no reason why you should both suffer, no reason why you should put your health in danger, ever. I know you feel the opposite, but you are not responsible for him. The one person you are responsible for is yourself. You did the best you could, but if your own health is affected, you expose yourself to danger too. Moreover, if you sacrifice your own health you may end up in a position in which you're unable to help him anyway. There's no shame, no guilty, no bad in caring for yourself. It's a sign of self-respect, and it's a way to give yourself the chance not only to be happy, but also to be in a position of making the people around you happy as well.
I can't make the final decision for you, no one can. I just tried to offer you my perspective, something to think about. I hope with all myself that you can find what is truly best. I send you all my love!
@helpfulBlackberry6937 Hi, I'm just out of a mentally abusive relationship which has all but destroyed me. For years, he claims to have had depression, he took my confidence, respect, leant on me no end. But when I went through a really bad time following surgery and asked him to get help so he could help me, he told me to go to the doctor. He threatened suicide, more than a few times. I eventually went to my doctor who was great. She said suicide is very often emotional blackmail and I had to choose what was best for me. She said that while she did not feel he would, some people actually do it out of spite or trying to attempt and it goes wrong so i had to be prepared. That was a few months ago. He moved out, rang every day and cried down the phone. I continued to provide emotional support but when the threats came of suicide, i just advised him to think of others but told him i could not help him.
low and behold, he got the message, stopped ringing and got back with an ex gf!!!! he is so happy now. I however am seeing a therapist who is talking me through the abusive relationship we had and trying to get me back together. I wasted years afraid to live myself and yet i'm the only one suffering for it. I can't remember what i like, who I am as he consumed all of me and my emotions for years. You need to make a decision which is right for you. do you want to be in this relationship in 5 years? 2 years? if the answer is no, then you need to research the type of relationship your in, speak with others including your doctor and start making roads towards your future. You can only make decisions for you, any decisions he makes are ones he makes for himself. Be kind to yourself. Good luck
@helpfulBlackberry6937 hello! I share similitude sentiments that have already been expressed. You are/have been supporting him as much as humanly possible. However it seems as if neither he nor his family is willing to listen to the advise or acknowledge the magnitude of his depression. What more can you do? No matter what, if he doesnt see his emotional/psychological health as problematic its unlikely hell engage in treatment.
The point of his actions/behaviors/emotions impacting your mental health is serious. In addition to the psychological consequences for you it can be considered emotionally abusive to you. How much are you willing to endure? How is it ok for you to sacrifice your emotional/psychological well-being for someone seemingly uninterested in addressing these concerns.
You mentioned what if he suicides?. Thats a good question, what if he suicidees? My recommendation is to not use this as a reason to remain in the relationship. Please do not hold yourself hostage in an an unhealthy relationship based in the what ifs. The truth of the matter, you have zero control over this.
Hope this helps.