Establish Boundaries!!
Where do I start? I began my first romantic relationship as an 18 year old naive little girl, without much understanding the ways of the world and the ways of inconsistent people. I attached myself to a man who did not contirbute to my self care, who was not emotionally available and entered and exited my life when he felt like it.
I played this game of "peek- a- boo...I never see you" for 2.5 years and our breakup left me devasted.
I realize that we never communicated our feelings .We never voiced what we wanted, and we did not create boundaries and expectations. That is such an essential part of self care, having expectations of how you should be treated with every human relationship and speaking up when a boundary has been crossed.
I began a new journey with another man, and I began putting that into practice with him. I made it clear that I don't excuse inconsistent behavior and that if anything changes it needs to communicated, fair enough. He ghosted on me for a few days under the assumption that I wanted space. Well sir, if I wanted space, don't you think I would had told you that??? It put me in a negative space, it took back to a familiar place of co-dependency, unhealthy. I told him that his actions will be a matter of consideration and that he wouldn't hear from me from a few days. Boudnary crossed, expectation established, consequence put in place.
@Amy251996
Hey there, I'm glad you are setting boundaries, but theres something I would like to point out;
I told him that his actions will be a matter of consideration and that he wouldn't hear from me from a few days. Boudnary crossed, expectation established, consequence put in place. (I understand you didn't like what he did, but in here you are using punishment to get him to behave a certain way. You shouldn't tell someone "you won't hear from me for a few days" because it comes across as manipulative, and seeking revenge. You shouldn't resolve things like this because it will create resentment in you, and in him.)
@Amy251996
ive got a difficult but not difficult boundary and space question. Great relationship going with women been friends with for LONG time and became more. She has a chronic illness which I fully embraced to help with. After some questions of why wasnt communicating much or responding found out going through rough spot and needed to have treatment that didnt go good last time. So asked for space and said I wouldnt understand. Asked what that meant and didnt answer so researched and learned as much as could I didnt know already and let her know and checked on her. She stopped answering and then got really mad told me to leave her alone. Then when treatment started sent nice text and both answered short and good messages. So asked once a week for over month and never responded. Then tried to find out through others and again went off. We exchanged some emails explaining our reasons but said I was being needy for checking on her.
She cut me completely off and have not heard from her or how she is doing in months. Even told her mom not to let me know who Ive known for 30 years. This is has been most difficult to let go ever and loved her most. Just cant figure out how checking on someone can cause so much anger when before everything was great. Would love to have been explained to before maybe be different.
Did I cross boundaries?
@blue1977
It doesnt sound like you did anything wrong in this situation. I had a friend like that, when people are like that they dont even know what their boundaries are and just shut people out instead.. its not your fault, its an issue with them :/
@diligentBirch8114 I was like this in the past. I didn't establish boundaries, then eventually felt used up and worn out and would just end friendships like if I was in the 1st grade. "We're not friends anymore."
😅 embarrassing
@Melalalanie I hope my friend realizes she
