I don't tust him but I love him
My boyfriend and I have had a lot of troubles in the past two months. We've been dating for four months now. It all started when he told me that he once had feelings for his best friend (Male), before we dated, and I knew they had sex multiple times in the summer (He was cheating on his ex back then). He assured me those feelings were gone. It started to haunt me and I started to get obsessively clingy and moody, which I think pushed him away from me. When he hung out with his friend it killed me and I would get upset at him. Last week I found out through his facebook that he was searching up a girl he had been obsessed with two summers ago multiple times. He admitted he still thinks about her, so I broke it off with him. However, I apologized the day after as I realized it was normal to think about other people. However, he told me that he had hooked up with his best friend the night we broke up. He said he was desperate and that afterwards, it made him feel empty and made him realize he had no lingering feelings. He also admitted he had some feelings for him while we were dating, even though he promised me he didn't. He now promises that I am the only one he wants. I want to believe it but I have a hard time trusting him after he lied to me. The image of them together is like a knife to the heart. I told him I could move on since it was in the past but I can't sleep at night. I don't want to leave him because I know we love each other but this is so hard. What do I do??.
@hf8441
I see a few red flags:
First, you've been dating four months and already the relationship is in trouble, two months in. The trouble isn't light, it's serious - because the foundation of your relationship is very unstable and more so than it should be in such a short period of time.
You didn't mention if you knew him prior to four months. Infatuation can often feel a LOT like love for someone. Is it really love you feel or is it infatuation that is leading to real love? Love tends to evolve over a long period of time where infatuation can build quickly but dissipates much faster.
He has a history of cheating on his partner, especially a partner that he does not feel well matched with. Based on what you've written, it seems as though he's very sexually confused and searching for some sense of a direction that he feels most comfortable with. That has less to do with you and more to do with him. It isn't even something that you can really help him with nor provide anything other than support until he finds his way. Clearly, he is also figuring out what works and what doesn't (feeling empty/no lingering feelings).
When you feel insecure in your relationship - your reaction is to become clingy and moody - which, yes, does tend to push a male away. This is something that you should certainly work on because it will likely repeat itself in any relationship you are in where feelings of inadequacy are present. Take this seriously, it can end even the best of relationships and continue to cause a downward spiral if not managed properly.
He has broken your trust, disrespected the relationship, you, and even himself in the process.
While you do not want to leave him and you have feelings for him - have you asked yourself if this situation is a healthy one for you to be in? Perhaps releasing yourself from the relationship and actually dating - is a better option until he can get his act together to be in a functioning and healthy relationship. That is one option vs leaving. It's pretty clear that he's still on his own path - and while you both share a connection - this, in itself, will not heal everything.
Your loss of sleep at night is absolutely due to uncertainty you feel with your relationship and rightfully so. Your relationship with him is in jeopardy. There are issues here of sexual confusion, trust, honesty, fidelity, respect, and a bit of self-discovery.
The only one that can make a choice for you is you. You have to start asking yourself if this is the right way to be with him... as in a relationship versus just dating him, while he sorts things out. What is also obvious is that you both are still trying to figure out if you both have enough chemistry and connection to keep this together.
If you do not make a choice, that is ok too - because I have a rather strong feeling that this situation is going to find its own decision on its own with or without your help.