I don't understand myself 😣
I don't understand myself when it comes to friendships and relationships. I want to be needed but don't want the other person to get close or get attached to me. I want to connect with people but then if the relationship starts to get deeper, I push them away or stop being with them, like I did to my friends.
Sometimes in friendships and relationships, there is fearful-avoidant attachment so that you can still feel needed but also don't have the person get close to you at all.
That is a very common reaction to anyone who has experienced betrayal or trauma... I know my therapist helped me walk through a lot of that stuff.
When it comes to relationship, I’m okay with that. But when it comes to friendship, my situation is very similar to you. There was a time I got in touch with someone I had known when I was young. I talked with that friend a bit more after I got in touch again but as days went by, that friend would call me during his work break , after work and almost every day , at least about 2 times. After about 3/4 days, I got sick of it and didn’t like the idea of someone getting attached to me. So, I stopped being friend with him (dramatic). I want to interact and socialize with people but it seems a bit difficult and it stresses me out if I force myself to listen to them.