I feel hopeless.
I'm 21, I've been studying at an IT school between three and four years (I loose track), and I've never been In a relationship nor have I had sex. During my first year at school I fell in love with a friend, I didn't know how to cope with the feeling I felt as it was all new to me. To keep a long story short I eventually told her about how I felt and she said that she had similar feelings for me but because of circomstances she wasn't read to be in a relationship. Things didn't turn out well. Her way of coping was by avoidance and I was trying to get help from anyone while keeping out details about who she actually was out of respect for her. People eventually connected the dots and when she found out we had a falling out. We don't talk or see each other anymore. Left out a lot of detail there but hopefully that helps paint a picture.
I honestly don't expect that I'll ever be in a relationship let alone a healthy and successful one. I've trying to cope with depression, anxiety, and OCD. I just can't handle putting myself out there, I struggle to even keep in contact with a handfull of friends. I'm struggling with gender identity issues and I have a fetish just to complicate things more. I just don't expect that there's anyone I'll ever meet someone I love who would also love me back.
Sorry about the massive wall of text, just had to get that off my chest.
@CannedPears Maybe try speed dating i know meet up groups are doing things virtual now since the corona pandemic hit.
@CannedPears
You're still pretty young, dont feel hopeless and I really know how you feel. The feeling of love is new to me as well. sometimes loves a little painful but its growth pain. You gotta take your time through life. and treasure every moment. I hope this helps you.
Bless your heart, lovely!
@CannedPears not having had sex is a good thing.
@AlphaPheonix4720
How so? The thought of having sex terrifies me as I have no experience and because of my fetish.
@CannedPears what is your fetish? A lot of people have fetishes. Even if you think it's weird it's probably totally normal. Women go through this a lot with rape type fantasies, struggling because they have them but also because rationally they never really want to get raped so they feel crazy and alone and like people would be grossed out by them. And struggling with gender identity issues has become so much easier to seek help for. There are all sorts of resources and people you can speak with. It sounds to me like maybe you need some people who are more eccentric and have these thoughts and are more free with themselves and the people you surround yourself with just aren't cutting it. There's more people out there like you waiting for you!! Go find them. Be who ever you want to be one night, find a new spot with people like that and make some new friends!! Have a new experience. I know it's scary, but is it more scary than the fear of being alone and never getting to be yourself? Love you and let yourself blossom
@CannedPears I would also like to give you a little bit of harsh truth. Women are not understanding of men having gender identity issues. We are working on it, but are not nice about it. If anyone you love or like or care for ever is mean to you when you try to confide just know that they are ignorant to the way you are feeling, they are confused, and we are all trained to be put off by it. It's not you, it's us. Also, men fucking suck too. Learn to love yourself because even if you think someone else loves you, you're the one who picks yourself up at the end of the day. I hope your journey is smooth and people are more welcoming and you give your life and dreams a chance
@CannedPears as in sex is bad
@CannedPears
Hi! I just want to say that out of experience and having friends who are going through the same thing... sex is great, but society makes it seem like the most important thing ever - but it's not. Honestly, I'm so glad I waited for someone I loved when I lost my virginity because I trusted that person and saw a future with them. You're still young!! A lot of people don't lose their virginity at your age actually. I think you shouldn't dwell on it and wait for the right moment or person, because a random one night stand is so meaningless.
@CannedPears
Hi I'm Ali and I'm 20. I am in a similar situation to you: I've never had a serious relationship or sex. Just here to tell you that you're not alone in this and we're all gonna be ok.
There's no deadline to any of that stuff, and if you're not doing ok with yourself, I would advise you focus on that first. Being with someone is good and fun and all, but it's also a commitment and dedication. And you have to be able to give commitment and dedication to taking care of yourself first, then the rest will come.
You said you're not sure about your sexuality and that's one of the things that can make u insecure and stressed. I advise you to focus on yourself and your happiness for a while. It will get better.
@AmbiguousAli
*SORRY I meant gender identity not sexuality :)