I’m in a secret relationship and need someone honest opinion
Hi I’m Beth (f 20) and this will probably sound like such a simple situation to solve but I’m having trouble
so I’ve been seeing this guy almost everyday for 4 months after meeting him at a club. (I’ll call him Evan)
3 months into this non defined relationship his roommate told me Evan is in a relationship with his gf of 5 years!
I tried to break contact as I was angry but I missed him and so I decided to talk it out with him and keep seeing him
Evan tells me he loves me, we go on dates and I see him almost everyday, (his gf is long distance)
He messages me telling me he misses me when we aren’t together, I always want to be around him and he is so nice when we are together (he even took care of me when I was spiked)
The one remaining problem is Evan still with his girlfriend and he can’t decide whether to break up with her or not.
I feel so guilty, I feel like a home wrecker and the guilt keeps getting stronger as time goes on. Every time they have an argument I feel myself hoping they broke up. It’s like I’m praying on their relationship’s downfall which makes me feel evil.
My flatmates know what he did and how upset I was and so they disapprove of me seeing him. So I’ve even taken to lying to them about where I’m going and sneaking out of the house to see him! Which is going to damage my friendships in the long run but I keep doing it and I don’t know why
I’ve sometimes thought of telling him “it’s either me or your girlfriend” but I’m so scared he won’t pick me. Then I feel bad because if he does pick me I’ll practically be stealing him away from his girlfriend who loves him.
I heard him on the phone a week ago to his girlfriend and he said “bye I love you” and I broke down crying. I sit up at night thinking on how I can improve to make him want me more so he’ll choose me. If he goes out to a night club I sit up wondering if he’s kissing other girls and can’t sleep till he messages me telling me he’s home.
I keep being told there are other guys out there but I’ve never felt this way about someone before and I feel like I’ll never want anyone else.
I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest because my friends think I’ve ended things with him and that’s left me with no one to talk to about it
also Sorry for the bad grammar I’m dyslexic and struggle a lot with it
@bethmarsh I'm in a ldr aswell.. it sucks we are away we fight but cheating is the last thing that anyone should do.. even after knowing he's a cheater you keep seeing him saying you have feelings for a cheater as an excuse?? do you really think he's being honest when he talks to his gf around you tells her he loves her? He's lying to you as well as her. It's so disgusting he'd cheat in a 5 year relationship
@bethmarsh
Hi Beth.
You are going through quite a difficult situation if I might say and I consider it emotionally draining also because I've experienced a situation that is somewhat similar to yours and trust me I understand the confusion that comes with it, listening to your heart or your head.
Relationships are all about honesty and respect besides love and feelings and if your partner isn't giving you that then something isn't right with that relationship. The guy isn't being honest with you and makes one wonder what else is he hiding?
I do hope you gather enough courage to face the situation head on and make a decision that fully benefits you and your health
Im so sorry that you are struggling with this! My honest opinion is that you deserve more!! Nothing is wrong with you, he should make a choice and make you number one priority. You are worthy of being Someone’s only! I know it’s really hard though! Hang in there!!
@bethmarsh
Hello Beth,I understand how it feels to be overwhelmed by someone and feeling they are your perfect match but sometimes we tend to confuse toxicity with love.Love is always a choice and they make you feel that you deserve to be treated well.They are your best cheerleader and your toughest critique.Your doubts are valid you never know considering his lifestyle what he is upto but open communication can always help.We can not force feelings on someone they have as much right to choose as us but we can always talk and know whats the right thing to do.
@bethmarsh He is already not picking you by continuing with his other gf. He is probably just playing both of you as long as he can. He is cheating on both of you and will do it again even if he does finally pick you.
@bethmarsh Hi girly my personal opinion - it's just my story girl. I was in ldr with my bf for 6 years. There was a girl who liked him they had a couple meetings he used to inform me all was good, he came home met my mother suddenly he broke up with me saying he loves tat girl. Then few months later engagement - wedding - baby shower- baby reveal party- baby - baby christening- baby one year birthday party. He broke up in 2020 in span of 3 years all these happened I'm still in the year 2020. The plot twist is he got her pregnant and had to marry her. She seduced him into it and it all happened tats wt he told me. So far i never cursed her or him or the baby . But i feel very sad for myself because I really love my ex alot and the thought he dumped me kills me.
I’m in a long distance relationship with my 7 years of bf. We have issues for sure just like any other relationship and trust issues surfaced now that someone, a girl is taking an interest in him. They have hangout couple times. We both know that she has taken a liking for him. Although the girl already know that he is in relationship with me from the beginning, she kept chasing him. Now suddenly he’s changed and saying he wanted to let be because he’s busy and doesn’t have time for me anymore. Yet, he hangout with his friends and also the girl just both of them. I was devastated because all I did was to love him. And now I’m traumatized and struggling to move on, to the point that I just wanted to end my life so the pain would go away. Please don’t do this, I wouldn’t want to ruin someone’s relationship like that had I known he’s in a relationship. No matter if they have issues or not, I would stay out because you’d truly hurt someone to get your own happiness over something that started in not a good way. I believe that karma does exist. It may not happen to you directly but it might affect to anyone dearly to you somehow. That being said, the guy also has part in his infidelity. He could do the same to you. Please don’t do this…
@mayarwen Hugs. Girl we both are sailing on the same boat. I know how you feel. Let's do this together
Aw thank you so much. I’m giving you hugs too. It’s hurtful but I cut off contact all the way. It’s as everything happened between us never happened. I’m still not okay but life goes on. On the other hand, I tried dating app and all I got was only scammer lol. It’s so annoying. Being single and working on myself is the best option for now. We got this. Eventually everything is gonna be okay 🤗 I still want to be hopeful for sure
@mayarwen how do u do tat? As if nothing happened I'm not able to do it. I still think I love him I'm not able to stop ☹️! I have lots to learn from you I guess
