I've been making up scenarios in my mind about a relationship with my school crush and it's haunting me now
I've had a crush on a girl from school for over eight years. Almost every day, I’d hug my pillows, imagining they were her, and create scenarios in my mind where we were together, married, with kids, living a happy life.
Despite having chances to approach her and the strong possibility that she might have felt the same way, I never confessed my feelings. Instead, I chose to focus on self improvement, academically and career wise, before pursuing anything.
But recently, I came across her *** posts with her boyfriend, and it completely shattered me.
@brightDay6709
I remember reading in a "home life" book in school that crushes and infatuations were "practice relationships" when we weren't ready to have real relationships yet. It's pretty normal in adolescence to not be ready for relationships, and to have crushes instead. It sounds like you also have a very vivid imagination, and that these daydreams (so to speak) became a little real for you. When you saw the object of your crush in a real relationship, maybe you felt a sense of loss because you felt like the loss was of something real - even if only potentially.
I feel the same way. Back in my school days, I struggled with issues like porn addiction, anxiety, and anger, so I focused on improving myself, both academically and career wise. I never saw myself as "relationship material" and wanted to become a better version of myself before approaching her.
Eight years later, I’ve barely made the progress I hoped for, and seeing her in a relationship with someone else has been devastating.
It’s a hard lesson learned. I spent too much time lost in a fantasy instead of truly working on myself. If I had put in the effort earlier, things might have turned out differently.
Since then, I’ve been committing more to my own growth. If not for her, then maybe one day, I’ll be worthy enough for someone else.
I think focusing on your own improvement before getting in a relationship is pretty widely recognized as healthy!
It's hard to stay committed to it though. The pain from the heartbreak comes and goes alot
@brightDay6709 Disappointment and grief do tend to come in waves. It's okay to feel what you feel. <3
@brightDay6709 your situation is so so similar to mine, except a little bit difference in the duration. Yours is 8 years long so far, and mine is 10 years and 9 months long so far. I was also a little schoolgirl when it started, almost 11 years old and he is my very first crush. It really sucks, I promise, I also had imagined our marriage, even decided the names of our kids lol, and look how destiny cruelly shatters our genuine love. God is a terrible writer honestly. Anyway...I can pretty well empathize with you and am so sorry to hear this tragedy.
This experience has truly been eye opening for me. It took a few days, but I’ve realized that I should have worked on myself, not just for her, but for me as well. This heartbreak has also made me understand how much of my life I’ve spent living in fairy tales. Now, I’m trying to break free from that and focus on myself.
I mentioned this in your thread, but I’ll say it again: for the next six months (atleast), try to stay away from social media as much as possible. Don't look at his profile. Immediately shift your focus whenever you think of him. If you have friends, spend time with them whenever you can. I cut off most people from my life a long time ago, and I regret it.
Use this heartbreak to grow wiser. Based on your comment, I assume you're 21. By the time you reach my age (24), I’m sure you’ll be much wiser than I am now.
Wishing you the best on your journey and in life.
@brightDay6709 thank you bro, but I noticed another difference in our stories just as I reread your post. You said that there was a strong possibility that she would have reciprocated had you confessed which is absent in my case. I say, why not confess right now? I know this advice sounds childish and counterproductive but at least it will help you get closure. Ok I get it she has a bf anol but at least she should know your story. Ok she will politely refuse but at least she will get to know this rigmarole of one sided romance. Even I am gonna confess come what may whenever he will unblock me. Or straight away on *** on which I am not blocked, after our careers are settled coz I need closure and a conclusive end to my sufferings. I mean you can consider this thought too.
The reason I didn’t confess before is the same reason I won’t now, I need to work on myself first (too many issues like anxiety and depression). Plus, I need to focus on my career too.
Another important reason is that I don’t want to create any complications in her relationship. From her posts, she seems happy, and I’m not sure I could ever put that kind of smile on her face.
That said, you’re right about closure, but I want to keep it as a last resort. I’ll wait until the end of August, and if I’m still not over her, I’ll confess, solely for closure, nothing more.
@brightDay6709 All in all, this must have been such an intensely painful moment for you, especially because of the long-held heartache. It is totally fine to feel completely heartbroken-and I mean really heartbroken-where someone you cared about so much for so long just unexpectedly moves on. It's hard to let go, especially of a future you envisioned with her, and that can feel like a loss. But I really want you to remember that it was never a mistake to focus on yourself. You have molded yourself into a better version of yourself, and that is something that can be taken from you by nobody. At this point, I know it may not seem like it, but trust me, all this effort towards your improvement will be rewarded, and you will meet someone who recognizes the greatness in you. If you ever want to talk about it more, I will gladly listen. 💖
@brightDay6709
I can understand how seeing that would hurt you. I am so sorry you had to go through that. However, I think focusing on your own improvement will be a huge benefit for you in the long run. I hope you are able to find peace soon <3
By the way, you might want to look up "limerance." Not saying that's what this is, but it helped me to learn about it, so thought I'd mention.
@AlliopeCalliope cool
Hello, @brightDay6709
Thank you for being so open and honest. I can only imagine how much it hurts to carry feelings for someone for that long and then see them with someone else. That kind of emotional investment runs deep, and it's totally okay to feel heartbroken right now. You’re grieving not just a person, but the future you imagined with them—and that’s a real loss.
At the same time, I hope you give yourself credit for the self-discipline and maturity it took to prioritize your personal growth. That wasn’t wasted time or effort—it’s part of what makes you you, and it will serve you well in the long run, especially in relationships that are meant for you.
Right now, it's okay to feel sad and take time to process everything. But don't lose sight of the amazing qualities you’ve developed along the way. When the time is right, love will find you in a way that matches your heart and your effort.
You deserve someone who’s just as intentional and full of love as you are. Hang in there—you’re not alone in this.
@brightDay6709
That must have been painful for you. You were holding onto a ray of sunshine and then you felt helpless. Its okay. But I'm definitely going to praise you for the work you put in improving yourself. I know its hard to get over someone that you never dated because they don't give you a reason to forget them. Its okay to feel heartbroken and its valid. If you ever want to lighten your heart, I'm here to listen to you.
@brightDay6709 It seems like this girl has held a really special place in your heart as you are holding on feelings for her for 8 years....you were hoping for these many years that maybe something will happen between you both in the future and then suddenly, the door shuts down, this is incredibly painful...at that time, you did what you felt was right by focussing on yourself first, and that really takes strength...Even though the outcome hurts, but your decision at that time was full of maturity...your feelings for here were real and it is valid to be feeling hurt now....but, be kind to yourself as you move through this....it's going to take some time...
@brightDay6709
Hi! I understand that you’re feeling upset about this situation. It’s not easy to find out someone you’ve liked for a LONG time has a boyfriend. And I think the fact that you were trying to focus on yourself is a really positive thing. I know you can get through it even if it’s hard I’m here for you and so many people on 7cups are! Have a good day.
