I’ve tried everything and am exhausted.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. He’s a type 1 diabetic that suffers from anxiety and depression.
The fact is he is always miserable. He doesn't listen to anybody and is pretty sure he is always right and when he’s not he wants to kill himself. He had a counselor and psychiatrist and was even in some medicine that greatly improved his mood and it seemed great for a time. Then out of no where he decided to stop taking those meds claiming he’d rather feel sad than like a puppet. Now he just sleeps and plays video games.
what’s worse is I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole. We moved across the country because it was a dream we both had. But he hasn’t found a job after nearly two months and money is running low. I’m doing the best I can with my job but still having to pay bills on my credit cards.
I do everything I can think of to make him happy but nothing helps. I beg for help around the house because I am so tired and get nothing. I don’t know anyone where we moved to so I don’t have anyone to turn to for help. I love him but I want to leave so bad because I am so sad. I want to be happy but his refusal to even try breaking me down.
I’m so lost with no where to go. I can’t even talk to him about any of this without him shutting down and becoming suicidal.
@AlwaysAnxious2020
Hi--I'm really sorry you're going through that, and that sounds like a difficult situation.
Your boyfriend and you moved across the country and are living together in a place where you have minimal social support. He's been dealing with severe anxiety/depression. He used to have a counselor/psychiatrist and be on medication that helped him significantly, but he decided he didn't want it anymore and dropped it.
There are a lot of things that you're currently unhappy with:
- You're completely supporting him with your job while he has been unemployed for a couple months
- He doesn't help at all with housework
- When you try to ask him for help, he shuts down completely and becomes suicidal
- He is really unhappy, which I'm sure must be distressing for you when you care about him
- He's stubbornly rejected the medication and therapy that used to be helping him so much and doesn't currently have any plan that will realistically lead to improving his mental health, getting a job, or supporting you more effectively
***
It doesn't sound like the relationship is very balanced. You're bending over backwards sacrificing yourself for his sake while he is stubbornly refusing to do the minimum amount needed to help himself or support you. I'd feel really frustrated and exhausted too if I were in your shoes.
These are a few resources I was able to find that might be relevant:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/relationship-reciprocity/
https://www.bustle.com/wellness/signs-your-partner-isnt-contributing-their-fair-share-to-your-relationship
https://www.verywellmind.com/when-your-spouse-doesnt-want-change-2302197
I personally feel like you have a right to expect certain things and to be in a situation that makes you happy. You deserve compassion, respect, and happiness as much as anybody else. I hope that one of two things happens:
- You're able to talk to him and get him to change what he's doing (or at least begin taking some steps in the right direction) so that the situation becomes more reasonable for you.
- You're able to find a way to protect yourself and look after your own well-being.
If you'd like to talk some more to someone about this, feel free to either schedule a chat with me (HERE) or reach out to one of the many verified listeners on this site who accept chats on the subject of relationships (HERE).