Red flags everywhere
I somehow got involved with someone unavailable and started an affair. This man has talked me into quitting a job and leaving a marriage. He is so jealous it is driving me crazy. I am a people pleaser so don’t like conflict. I can’t be anywhere without him picking a fight even when it’s his idea we do separate things. He always accuses me of lying. I feel like I can’t go anywhere or do anything because he may be following me or keeping tabs on me. I’ve tried breaking things off with him a couple of times and I can’t seem to get it to stop. He has intimate images he took of me without my consent and I am worried that if I end things poorly he will disseminate those. He’s asked to look through my phone and even texts people from my phone pretending to be me. I feel trapped. My body is constantly under a fight or flight response and I am on edge ALL of the time. I feel like if I say the wrong thing or even sometimes if he perceives or “senses” the wrong thing that it will be another fight. I am no longer sleeping, I am considering self harm, and I am feeling trapped and controlled. I feel isolated from all of my friends because I can’t do anything without him because he will get mad or expect me to text him the entire time that I am there. I need this to stop but I don’t know how or what to do. I can’t talk to anyone about this because I am ashamed and I don’t think they will believe me. He is so charming and everyone thinks he’s this amazing guy but behind closed doors he is like Jekyll and Hyde. I suppose I am writing this all out just so I can let it out and so it’s not just swimming around in my head tormenting me.
@neatBeechwood4071
I am so sorry.
@neatBeechwood4071 Verbal aggression. Unjust accusations. Spying. Feeling like you're walking on eggshells every moment you're with him because he might suddenly snap. Feeling trapped and controlled. Isolation from friends and family. These are literally the definition of abuse on the wheel of power and control. A mask of charm in public is another common characteristic of abusers.
It is indeed possible that he will humiliate you by sharing those images if you break up with him; it is almost certain he will continue to humiliate, disrespect, belittle, and attempt to control you on a regular basis if you do not leave him. If money is an issue for you, there are domestic violence shelters that exist to help people in your situation free of cost. You deserve to be loved, cared for, and respected as a human being rather than be trampled upon, broken, and disdained as a possession. Thank you for sharing your story, we're here for you however you decide and whatever happens to you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more about this. I hope this helps.
@neatBeechwood4071- clearly you are a victim of domestic abuse. Reach out to abuse support in your area. It will only continue to tear you down, and possibly lead to physical violence. You deserve a supportive relationship, Run dont walk, away from this relationship.