Staring anew with an Ex when the woman he left you for is still in the picture
Hello, My ex broke up with me 6 months ago, he had been having an emotional/physical affair with a woman from work. He contacted me 3 weeks ago and we are thinking about trying to get back together. I dont know where to start, we have to build back a lot of trust again. Right now he is stuck living with his current ex (the woman he left me for) and her children. He is moving out at the end of the month (2 weeks). My issue is obviously his connection with her and her children. How do I ask/let him know I'm uncomfortable with him associating with them if we want to start a relationship again. He is attached to her kids, and thinks she is his friend. But Ive never trusted her, with good reason it turned out, and I dont want her in our life if we can make it work.
@limegreenCity8939
Hello City, Welcome to Relationship Support Space. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with us.
But, we apologize for the delay in responding to you.
As I see we are late in supporting you, can you please help us with the current status of the concerns you have and if you still would like to discuss and figure things out together with us? We would be glad to listen and support you, if we could be of some help. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Sending virtual hugs!
@ASilentObserver
Hello, the situation is pretty much the same, but I asked him to cut ties with the lady and her kids and beyond her owjng him money, he has. However, he does not completely see their relationship as an affair, but emotional is still cheating for me. We are working things our slowly, but this is a huge hurdle. Plus not sure how to tell my parents that we are back together. I also suggested that in order for this to work one of us has to move, we are 3 hrs apart, but I dont want to move in together. This relationship will need a lot of work, dont know where to start.
@limegreenCity8939
yes of course in order for the relationship to work one of you would have to move if he lives 3 hours away what your in now is a long distance relationship ( does he live long distance from her and her kids also ? and why when he moved out did he not choose to move closer to you if he is wanting an exclusive relationship with only you why d id he choose such a distance from you? ) i would say at this point in time its too early to tell everyone your in a relationship again and until he does move closer and does show in other ways that he is committed to making it work you have every reason to be skeptical considering his past and current behavior and opinion on things ( not really an affair if its only emotional wanting to keep in contact with her exc. )
@jennysunrise8
Thank you. I know that they slept together before our breakup, I'm just giving him some room I guess to believe him. I've been wondering why he doesnt move closer too. He says she maxed out his credit cards. I dont know. This is a complicated situation that I hope it's worth it and he isnt playing me
@limegreenCity8939
i hope hes not playing you either is he against you coming to visit him at his new place at all does he give excuses about why you cant do that or would he rather meet you somewhere other than his new place ? if not it could very well be that he is still living with her and still in a relationship and hes just having an affair as he has cheated before thats very possible but maybe its true and he just cannot afford to move has a job there and cant manage to get a job near you but i dont know he should have no problem with you coming to his new place for a surprise visit he should be delighted maybe bring it up even if you really dont intend to just to see how he reacts to that he should be delighted for you to come visit and see his new place and be encouraging it i think
@limegreenCity8939
I think maybe if there is enough time between their breakup of not seeing/speaking, then it will be easier on your new relationship. The bond with the kids is hard, but personally, my parents have had boyfriends and girlfriends who were around for a long time I grew very close to, but when they broke up, I too lost a relationship with them as being another parent figure. They were my parents boyfriend/girlfriend first, a role model to me second. If they didn't work out I had to accept it. If I were to run into one of them, I'm sure it would be civil and cordial, but there was no reason for them to stick around just for me.
Hope this helps, and I wish you the best.
@limegreenCity8939
Honestly I would advise move on entirely from him. That sounds like a complicated situation that you can avoid and be much happier for 🤷🏽♀️