Together but alone
Hey, this is gonna be really long and sorry for my bad English. So I am in a trio friendship group that started about 5 years ago. My two friends were childhood friends and then I joined them later when I transferred schools in 9th grade. Our friendship went through some difficulties but it still went on. Back in 11th grade when covid started we had to go our separate ways and go to diffrent schools. Since then we started having some serious trouble and I was the odd one out but thankfully that have been resolved and our friendship stayed that we even forgot that huge incident happend. But lately we three have been drifting apart because of our busy lifes. Sadly I cant get myself to open up to them and tell them about my troubles all the time. They are the first people I have opened up to but, negative thoughts started piling up when we started drifting apart and I cant get myself to tell them my struggles anymore. Whenever I try I feel like burden and the way they answer my worries doesnt help make the situation better anyway so I end up deleting my text before they see it. I have been getting worse nowadays, $eĺf h@řm has been on my mind all day long and even $uîciđ@l thoughts pop up 24/7. What makes it even worse is that if I dont text them first we wont talk for weeks, it makes me feel like I'm the only one trying... Thank you for reading up to this point!
@modestSkies333
Your English is great. 😊 Thanks for sharing everything. 💜
From what you've said, you have a couple friends that you've been close with for years. Lately though, you all have been drifting apart due to everyone being busy. Because of this, you aren't able to share your thoughts with them anymore, and as a result they are piling up. You feel like you're the only one initiating contact with them, and when they do respond it doesn't feel like they're able to help in the way you'd like.
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Regarding the issue you mentioned of becoming distant due to busyness, something I've found myself doing with a lot of people in my life that I want to stay in touch with is scheduling regular/recurring chats or hangouts. That way nobody has to be the one to try to reach out or do anything special to initiate contact. (It's just kind of set in stone that I'm going to talk to this person every Friday, this other person every other Monday, etc.) Not sure if that possibly might feel relevant or helpful.
You mentioned that you don't feel comfortable sharing issues with your friends. If you'd like to find someone on this site who you're able to talk to and share things with, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept 1-on-1 chats. There are some filters in this page to find people who accept certain topics.
Just wanted to mention that this site has a policy where any discussion of suicidality gets referred to this crisis link below, which has a list of resources/helplines. (If a member mentions suicidality in a chat, listeners are trained to provide this link and end the chat.)
https://help.7cups.com/hc/en-us/articles/360026238093-Crisis
Also if you haven't found it yet and are interested, this site has a Self-Harm community.
