Victim or villain

@virginiastuck

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Hello I’m vee, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 13 years. We have a 1 year old and he is an amazing father and he’s not a horrible guy, but he is a narcissist and tells me what I want to hear to keep me content or “happy”. (This really sounds like he will say and do whatever on order to stop a conversation, it's a good indication that he is someone who has not learned how to learn say "no" and has not become an individual yet) In the beginning he convinced me not once not twice but three times that I didn’t need to take certain opportunities that would have helped me advance my career as a veterinarian. (This is strange, I think he should have encouraged you to take these opportunities. I'm not sure what's going on, but im assuming he felt threaten that you would succeed further than him and possibly became afraid of losing you?) I am always making excuses to family and friends as to why things are a certain way like marriage etc. (I can tell it can be quite tough for you to make decision out of fear of what people may say (especially family members. I can also that some might be critical and would say certain things they shouldn't about your decisions. Here's the thing, you don't owe any of them an explanation of the decision you make) He continues to tell me we will get married (He will tell you these kinds of things during the idealize/fantasy stage, and might even use it to go along with what you want. He often do this because growing up he had very smothering people, so he learn this behavior was the best way to make them back away) and I’ve even suggested a courthouse (You decided to take him on his word here, this will tell you how much he wants to marry you) thing but he says he wants me to have the wedding I deserve... (Excuses...you called his bluff by saying "Okay this courthouse might be good", and he decided to use another excuse. This tells me he doesn't want marriage, and will keep going on circles...He is wasting your time with his indecisiveness...)so I stop asking about it and now don’t know if I even want it. Without me realizing it I was financially dependent on him and I have never been a weak minded person but I don’t know who I am anymore and I feel I’m just an ungrateful, unsatisfied emotional crazy person.(I see you are going through a lot right now. You feel a certain way about the relationship (which is normal), but then guilt tends to take over) I feel like my feels now are so superficial and I’m just complaining. (You sounds reasonable to me, how you feel and what you want it's completely normal. I can tell that in the past they minimize how you feel, and they made you like you are complanining) I’m a different person from when we started dating and I have no clue what I want in life and I’m so confused if he really cares or is it just a control game to him, (It's understandable you are going through this. I honestly think he doesn't want marriage, but he's afraid to say "no" out of fear of what might happen. I don't think it's fair the way he is giving you false hope) I do t know how to get him to be honest. And recently I’ve stopped voicing my thoughts or concerns (I can tell that you are shutting down because you tried many times to voice how you feel, and he has not taken time to understand where you are coming from) so I’ve lost my voice in this and really will sound crazy if I just tell him how I feel. (This doesn't sound good, it really seems like you lost yourself in this relationship. I think this relationship is causing you more harm and grief, than happiness. This is not what relationship should be about, and you stayed far too long on a relationship that won't change. You deserve better than this) And this isn’t everything that’s even going through my head.

I don't hear someone weak, I hear someone making her way through an impossible situation. Based on the things you said it sounds like you already know whether or not this relationship is in your best interest, but it also sounds like you have the resilience to exit it and still thrive.