i dont feel like my girlfriend opens up how she used to
my girlfriend has been shutting down and becoming frustrated at everything i do, recently if i do something that normally doesn’t bother her or only somewhat bothers her, it devolves into an argument. we’ve nearly been together for two years now and it started about 2 months ago. i try to talk to her and i get one of these:
- she nitpicks at the details until i get frustrated and have to distance myself
- she deflects blame and usually tries to make it my fault
- she does little things that she knows peeve/upset me
if i can get her to listen to me she usually just says one word phrases and shuts down. weve talked before about needing/respecting space so i don’t understand why she wont at least tell me she needs space. in the past when we would argue which was rare we would figure it out later after we were done being upset and could think clear, but recently we dont.i really do love her and i dont want to leave her but i need her to communicate with me and be able to set her emotions aside, but any attempts to get her to see if something is going on she says that shes fine and promises nothing is going on. i love her with everything and she is my everything, i want her to be happy but i dont know what i should do.
@TrippyBoyo
I recognize that pattern ....... i am on the other side ............mine has been going on for much longer.
I have not shared serious deep items with my partner....... not told them how i really feel ......about Many items ............it eats at me and i want to share.................. but am afraid of how it goes and clueless on how to start ....
i wish he would bring it up .........but since i devolved into the pattern you describe he won't he is playing walking on eggshells instead.... guess i want him to do it so i can blame him for the end of relationship. I did not see it for a long time .... but as tiny things just are setting me off to nitpick ..........i realized it was not him even though some items are frustrating.... it was me making myself the one who got dumped and sympathetic.
i want to be able to share without it blowing up but do not think it is possible ........ when you missed the best chance and you covered for so long....... coming out and saying the truth seems impossible
i have asked him the questions ........................i wish he would ask in return ............but he never does ..... it makes me angry because i think he does not think i could meet someone else or want something else then what we have.. each move to avoid the discussion and he always does has me nitpicking about the noises he makes eating.... or the fact he adds hot sauce on everything before even tasting ...... he has done both for years why does it sound like nails on a chalkboard now ......... because i cn not bring myself to tell him i lost whatever feelings i had for him.
if you want the petty fault finding to end ...............you need a real nothing held back heart to heart.............. that might not be good news.
You need her to tell you the truth about how she is feeling.