Please hurry with the replies. Rapture and all
Now I know why nobody will reply. You don’t fear things you don’t believe in. You fear each other. Cause I think I’m not the only one that this kind of thing has happened to. You know who you are. Step forward! Share your experiences. I won’t tell anyone. We have to stick together.
I was just having a bad night last night. Constant ruminating. It’s just me dealing with the traumatic memories of being bullied when I was young. I personally don’t really give a crap about how others perceive me now, everyone’s too chicken to *** with me now that I’m 35 and look like monster.
Hi @faithfulCoconut848
i don't believe you should worry too hard about this... i believe trying too hard to convince others will backfire.
i feel your pain though as i am different...
i believe in you!
Thank though if actually don’t believe in me and think I’m a flaming homosexual anyway then that’s totally fine with me. All religion is just more might equals right crap anyway. And now I’m very much indeed mightier than anyone else I know on all levels.
@faithfulCoconut848Hello, feel free to private message me. Sexuality isn't very tricky. I believe you. If you upvote me, I can message you. God bless you!
Idk man that post gives me creeper vibes
I thought this was a religious forum. Don’t be afraid, trust me I can’t do magick. If you believe magick is real just know that I did a magick canceling spell 🙄 years ago that prevents me from actually doing magick. I’m serious, let’s get to the bottom of this y’all. Let’s find a way to make this religion safe for everyone.
It’s just hard for me to give up on things and just let go. I’m just gonna let this go. Give up on these things. Learn to accept my insane past. Control is an illusion, maybe a total illusion. Idk what else to say.
@faithfulCoconut848
Hey, I'm wondering if the bullying you received was connected to religion?
I'm sort of piecing together what happened from fragments of different things in this thread--let me know if this is right:
1) When you were growing up, you were bullied heavily, and one of the forms that that took was people spreading rumors that you were gay
2) [Part I'm not clear about where I'm guessing a bit] That bullying interacted with surrounding Christian culture and its particular hypocrisies/prejudices in a way that made things worse for you. As a result, you're understandably pretty critical of Christianity--because your lived experience with the particular Christian practitioners you've encountered in your own life has been that they enable/fail to prevent bullying (while simultaneously putting themselves on a pedestal and considering themselves holy/morally righteous)
3) Fast-forward to the present, you've radically transformed your body and gained more power/self-protection and you're no longer bullied (might makes right), but there's still plenty to feel bitter about with the past experiences. You've also established some necessary indifference/pessimism around what people think of you: "if you think I'm the devil and that makes you feel better, then sure whatever--I'll allow you to think I'm the devil and I won't waste any time trying to change your mind. That's your business and I don't care or have any control over it. I'm just trying to live my life and survive. You're entitled to keep having twisted/distorted/dehumanizing perceptions of me."
Quiet Magic.
Yeah your name says it all.
You start with the whole, “I understand your pain!” bit…”But they called Jesus gay too man!” 🤣
Look it’s ultimately like this. I can’t do magic, I can’t do any mind control. You probably think that because I’m gay( I’m not but I’m too tired of fighting) that I have these demonic powers or whatever. I don’t. I can’t control how others perceive me. You want to make live amongst the *** again. I play their game. We’re talking a group of Homo sapiens here. We’re dealing with essentially chimp social dynamics. How long you think that’s gonna last? It’ll be a profound waste of time and money. So now what?
@faithfulCoconut848
We have something in common then--I can't do magic or mind control either. 😊 And I have no interest in learning how to do either one. (My username is a reference to a style of active listening I was drawn to when I first joined the site 11 years ago.)
I believe you. You don't have demonic powers, you can't do magic, you can't do mind control, and you're not gay.
From my end, I'm not a Christian, I don't have any interest in converting you to Christianity, and most Christians I know would label me an atheist.
(Note: this forum contains a mix of people from different backgrounds, including some non-religious people. It's also against the rules to try to aggressively convert people to another religion.)
Anything that you said before that might have sounded unusual (e.g. "if everyone looks at me and sees the devil, then I'm the devil") was just you giving up on trying to control other people's perceptions. You're right that if other people want to see you as demonic, there's not much you can do to stop that.
I definitely wouldn't advocate for you trying to rejoin a group of people that previously bullied/mistreated you. Removing yourself from a traumatic/abusive situation is usually very healthy/helpful. Life is much more difficult and stressful if you're in a dangerous/threatening situation all the time.
The reason I posted here was because I remembered talking with you in a different thread a couple months ago and you mentioning the bullying, and I was interested in understanding more about what happened:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/General_2436/SubconsciousSchoolEpiphany_377705/
I don't think I know enough to understand your pain. I'm interested in understanding but feel like I'm probably only like 20-30% of the way there.
Understandable that you'd assume the worst of me if every time in the past someone tried to be nice, it was just a manipulation tactic or trying to lower your guard so they could shove more Christian indoctrination down your throat. Sorry if that's what happened back then.
I been on here for a decade or so. Quit for a while, several years, came back. It wasn’t always like this. I remember posting something on the religion/spirituality etc forum back then. I think it was something like how do you explain fossils. Something actually physical you can touch that’s millions of years old. They assumed I was mocking them. I genuinely wanted to see how they’d explain it. I guess they didn’t want to make a fool out of themselves by saying the devil sat down on the porch and whittled that *** out one day. But anyway, I’m exhausted, I tired of this whole thing, you know. I just have to learn to accept that most things I’ve experienced in my life don’t have an answer. Embrace the chaos and quit this crippling rumination somehow. Happy trails QuietMagic 🙂
@faithfulCoconut848
That's a really funny image, the devil sitting down on a porch lovingly whittling some fossils like a grandma relaxing in a rocking chair doing her knitting 😂
Yeah, that makes sense re: the forum interaction. I'm guessing there's probably a bit of trauma on the Christian side as well where if someone comes into a religious space asking questions about the fossil record, it's assumed that that person has malicious/aggressive intentions and is trying to ridicule religious people and make them feel small/dumb for believing what they do. So they probably felt scared/defensive around that question.
(I'm confident I could lose both sides of that fossil record debate since I don't have degrees in geology, paleontology, biology, etc. 😊 I guess Christians who aren't young earth creationists are able to side-step all of that.)
Feel free to PM if you ever feel like it or feel stuck in the rumination. 💜 (My head-canon is that since the trauma was relational and the effects of alienation/isolation are ongoing, being able to reach out to someone and just share what's happening without being misunderstood/attacked might help.)
Thanks man. I might pm you tonight.