indoctrination (long read)
i remember about 8 years ago, my religious teacher made me speak in front of the class about how one could stop their porn addiction. at that age i was fairly new to the concept of porn, let alone understanding how one could be addicted. i couldn't really come up with an answer so i gave generic responses like "turn on safe search" or "just don't search up porn".
unfortunately my answers wasn't what my teacher had hoped, and she kept pressuring to get a different answer out of me. the questions turned a bit aggressive and direct "if YOU were addicted what would YOU do". i didn't know what to say. answering this question in first person like i was the one addicted made me super uncomfortable. mind u i was 13.
eventually she gave up pressing after getting no answers out of me. i don't remember much, just the look on my classmates faces filled with confusion. looking back i realised how distressing that situation was for younger me. i think that was the start of my religious trauma.
fast forward today i'm in my 20's. the nightmares aren't over. my father which i'm sure has some sort of superiority complex, would insert religion into everything. Motivated Reasoning is what psychology calls it, when someone has a pre-determined conclusion and they work backward to find "evidence" in the real world to support it. it was a dogma for sure. "the devil got to you" was what he once said to my mother when she failed to stop my baby brother from crying.
i dont know why it took me so long to process that i had this trauma. for a long time i forced to present myself as "religious" because i was simply in denial about my own identity. an identity that was viewed as sinful when the scriptures did not make sense to me.
if i don't pray i would go to ***. if i don't get married society won't respect me. if i don't dress modestly i'm a wh0re. if i leave home i would be a disgrace to my family. if i question the misogyny in the teachings... well, apparently it's true and i just had to accept it.
indoctrination.
there is no room for me to be myself. everyday i feel like i'm an imposter hiding amongst everyone. they question about my faith but never my feelings. was i ever human to begin with? was i programmed into this world to adhere to some code only to realize i'm full of bugs? can i even be fixed? maybe i can't be fixed. maybe there are no bugs. or maybe i'm the bug itself.
oh wait that's right. i'm not allowed to question.
indoctrination.
@ipoopcats
No teacher should ever make someone speak about such a private issue.
Or make it out to be something completely unnatural.
I hope you don't carry this guilt with you 💚
@Amanda84
thank you 🫂
@Aayla
thank you for the kind words, i'm currently experiencing self discovery trying to work through my religious traumas. i feel more at peace knowing i'm not crazy for questioning things.
*hug*
you were not in the worng
the teacher went too far
your father is going too far
religion and god ,its all about love in the christian path ,understanding oneself and the world in judiasim , peace and enlightenment in buhdissim
god isnt going to punish you for being sinful or evil
god created you as you are ,and loves you a syou are,were or will be later on
because god is love
indoctirnation is not of god or by god
its people using god name for their own reasons and gains
i am not telling you to forgive god,f for god must be an evil being to you
what im saying however is take a step back and start looking around ,arguments for and aginst god,different sects and religions
the reason indoctirnation works is that you dont know or have anything else but what they give you
but there are many things out there to use
heck you can find biblical interpertations you can quote back at your father to prove his claims wrong
because god isnt about fury or anger in the christian jiewdish thought ,its understanding and love
@scorpionpolktanktree
i appreciate the support, i'm actually muslim but yes even the Quran doesn't support these types of behaviors. as i'm learning i'm noticing religion and culture are blended together and it's important to be able to tell them apart.
@ipoopcats
true, true
but being a Muslim complicates things.
Islam is a bit...on the controlling side , so maybe dont dive too deep unless it's a Sophy صوفى school.
be it sunni schools or Shia, they don't know how to not be overly controlling.
@scorpionpolktanktree
i do agree it can be extremely controlling at times, i actually feel like leaving the religion but listening to ex muslim stories it's never been a pleasant experience.
those who leave due to different beliefs are shunned as some left homeless. those who are viewed as "sinners" are told to go to he11. it's never a winning situation especially being a woman in the community. i feel so stuck as i cant be authentic to myself without fearing for my safety and well being.
@ipoopcats
yeah you are right
but hey thats how things do be like sometimes
most of lgbt and atheist muslims i know are VERY closeted because of that
good luck and stay strong queen , you will survive or one day escape
@ipoopcats
Dearest friend, I put it to you that you're not a bug, you're a valuable and powerful creature full of potential. I must tell you religion is the greatest problem of mankind, all the destruction and tribulations in the world today are a result of religious people and their beliefs, as long as they're audacious to live and propagate their beliefs so must we. Any truth or information that cannot be questioned is simply manipulation or coercion, it's clear that your parents were dealing with erroneous beliefs and it has caused them to inflict invisible pain and psychological damage to your well-being. The good news is that today I want to tell you that you don't live for or exist under the labels of your parents or religious people who don't have the tiniest idea of who you are, why you exist, what your abilities are or what you capable of, thier opinions are just that opinions. Only the knowledge of the truth can reveal you to yourself not the religious interpretation of the world. I was once strangling on the ropes erroneous beliefs, religious labels, unsolicited opinions and everytime I resisted these confusions the devil, an irrelevant and unemployed cherub was blamed for my innermost desire to understand the truth of what they (religious people) have said, taught and set as doctrines. I ask you today seek your source and find the truth about yourself. What is your source? @ipoopcats
@StoicMasterpiece
thank you for this different perspective. i'll admit, having studied in a religious institution for 15 years has somewhat developed good characters in me. like standing up for the oppressed and having a sense of justice and advocacy were things that religion has shaped me to be.
however it's really hard to be someone who speaks up and is open minded when the community always try to silence me. labeling my doubts and questioning as a sin or act of disobedience.
"what is the source of your truth?" was such a hard hitting question for me. i struggled to answer and pondered on this for days. i dont think i have a concrete answer yet, but i believe justice and advocacy is part of my truth.
@ipoopcats
I'm glad to hear that religious environment has helped you realise your purpose which have shaped your strength in Justice and advocacy. People with differing opinions or beliefs will always feel threatened by opinions, beliefs or questions that challenge them to look inward and they prefer to stay the same, this was my case too, there were internal wars I was fighting seeing what needs to change but refusing to change them because I was comfortable with what I have been doing, and the result was chaos and it spread to people who had nothing to do with my internal wars.
My victory came when I trained my mind to understand that growth means leaving behind beliefs, lifestyles and friendships that does not support who I'm becoming. You're asking questions that your community consider as rebellion because, you're seeking clarity to things that do not make sense to you or are eating you up inside and to them it's a confrontation but you know well enough that you just want clarity that's why you're confused about how to respond. Take this from me you're growing and obviously on the right path the experience you've had in your community is proof that you have taken responsibility for your life and it may take them longer time to realise that the questions you're asking now are inevitable and that they must someday answer these questions for themselves to move their lives forward or they can also choose to remain the same. If you want to move forward understand first that you're not in confrontation with your community, I perceive that this is a great opportunity for you to teach and enlighten your community on the truth you'll eventually find, that's your value, so don't fight them, don't respond to their confrontation with anger or disgust, stay focused on finding clarity to those questions you're currently struggling with. Blind obedience is not wisdom.
The source of the information you receive will determine whether or not you'll grow or diminish in value, there are many people educated in error and it responsible for the crime in our society today, killings of women and children all over the world, just yesterday I read the sad news of 60 students who where killed, their only crime was being alive and according to the source of the information that influenced the decision and action of the perpetrators they were considered collateral damage, so if the source of our truth (original information) is erroneous we will treat people poorly, mistreat ourselves (making poor decisions that can cost us our peace), it will also affect how we interpret our personal experiences, how we interpret other people's experiences / perspectives and their reactions towards us, and it in turn determines how we respond to them. Seeing that your community is shutting your voice of reason you may feel unworthy to fight for other people when you can't stand for yourself or you are made to feel less of yourself or potential.
Let me breakdown, you have found the problem you were created to solve (Justice and Advocacy) and that's your value to humanity, but that will remain a dream if your ability and perspective about yourself is influenced by your community's opinions or beliefs. My understanding of life has led me to these convictions;
Firstly I was made in the image and after the likeness of God my creator, and that I'm a spirit being existing in an earth bag called the body.
Secondly I was created to have dominion over the creations of the earth in my area of gifting,not over any other human but effective management of earth's resources.
Thirdly, by original design I was created to live by internal laws not external laws - self government.
If religion is the source of your truth about yourself and your ability, I trust you to honestly understudy the impact, reason and best application to your life and current struggle.
@ipoopcats, Hi,
Reading what you shared, one thing stands out clearly: this is not just a “religious issue.” It is about a child’s heart that should have been protected and instead was hurt. Being pushed to confront heavy topics in front of a class at such a young age was not appropriate. Your teacher’s approach was wrong. Education is meant to protect and strengthen young minds, not overwhelm them. The discomfort you felt back then was not weakness; it was a healthy and natural response.
It is also important to say this honestly: when religion is learned through the wrong people and the wrong methods, it can harm rather than heal. There is a saying:
“If you learn religion from a fox, you’ll be taught that stealing chickens isn’t a sin.”
The problem is often not faith itself, but how it is represented by those who claim to speak for it.
From what you describe, your family’s approach—especially your father’s—seems shaped more by tradition, fear, and control than by faith itself. Identifying this approach directly with religion does an injustice both to you and to belief. Faith is not meant to silence, shame, or devalue a person; it is meant to restore dignity.
As we grow older, we begin to see that our parents also had limitations and made mistakes. Realizing this is not an act of rebellion—it is a sign of maturity. Just as they once tried to protect you in the ways they knew how, it is possible, when the time comes, to address their mistakes with compassion, gentleness, and reason. Truth does not require harshness; when spoken with kindness, it reaches deeper.
One more thing matters deeply: the pain and injustice of the past are real, and they should not be denied. But repeatedly reliving past suffering drains the energy needed to build the present. What happened has already happened. Remaining trapped in what cannot be changed does not heal—it only exhausts. What truly matters is learning what is right, from the right sources, and choosing a path that adds meaning and dignity to your life.
A person is not defined by what happened to them, but by who they choose to become afterward. It is possible to be informed, ethical, and grounded—while protecting your sense of self. Continuously replaying past wrongs brings little benefit; learning from them and moving forward brings strength.
And most importantly:
Questioning does not mean you are broken.
Asking questions does not mean you are flawed.
Perhaps the problem was never you.
Perhaps it was the language and the method through which things were taught.
Be compassionate with yourself. Your past may shape you, but your future is still yours to define. Sometimes healing begins not by searching for someone to blame, but by learning the truth from the right place.
Perhaps healing begins not by searching for someone to blame, but by learning what is true in a way that restores dignity and protects the human heart.
“Make things easy, not difficult. Give glad tidings, do not drive people away.”
@ipoopcats
First off, I'm sorry for your experience with that teacher, it must have been like ***.
I believe ones identity is between God and the individual. What you choose to be your identity whether it be spiritual or physical, is personal and will always be, between us and our maker, if one believes in One.
Only The spirit of God can convince you if you are "missing the mark" in any way.
That being said I hope you find true liberty and happiness in life.
