Avoid Judgmental Questions & Assumptions (trigger warning for examples)
I know the listener training says to avoid assumptions, I don't know if it really ever covered how questions can be quite judgemental.
Here are some examples:
Listener - Why don't you see a doctor?
Assumption - you haven't seen a doctor.
Even worse - this has the meaning that the listener doesn't believe what has been said previously when previous information provided entailed seeing doctors
Listener - What did you do that caused him to hit you?
Assumption - you did something to be hit, you were the cause of it
Even worse - this makes it seem like the person deserved it
Member - I'm really upset, I failed a test that covered chapters that we didn't get to yet.
Listener - Why didn't you study more?
Assumption - you didn't study enough, the curriculum wasn't a problem
Member - I'm afraid I may be pregnant
Listener - Why didn't you use a condom?
Assumption - a condom wasn't used, it was consentual sex
In general, if a question begins with something like Why don't you/why didn't you - and the chat hasn't already covered if that thing was done or not, your question has an assumption built into it and will likely come off as judgemental as well.
There are also some assumptions to be avoided that are fairly common issues I've seen come up:
- someone's gender
- someone's sex
- someone's sexuality
- that someone is comfortable with a particular term of reference ie. hun, darling, dear, Sir, Ma'am, bro, mate, etc. also note the issue with assuming gender with some of these terms
- that someone wants you to pray for them (ask if they are comfortable)
- that someone believes in a particular religion or diety
@AffyAvo Very true.
I suspect that sometimes judgemental questions like these are an attempt to stifle a desperate urge to give advice.
Listener thinks: You should see a doctor.
Listener says: Why don't you see a doctor?
Listener thinks: You should be more careful not to provoke him.
Listener says: What did you do that caused him to hit you?
Listener thinks: You needed to study more.
Listener says: Why didn't you study more?
Listener thinks: You should always use a condom.
Listener says: Why didn't you use a condom?
Listeners' initial training says:
Take care with your words and dontt make any assumptions.
(What a delight! "Take care with your words" immediately followed by a typo 
.)
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie Even if advice was something that was a service given here, the judgmental tone and assumptions should be avoided. I can't imagine sticking with a therapist who doesn't bother to hear out the number of doctors I have seen/believe that I have seen many and advises me to see a doctor or asks me why I haven't seen one.
Overall it sets up for a confrontational chat - not that you're one who needs this explained.
And your last bit did make me laugh. 
@AffyAvo
I'm sure the listeners have good intentions, they just want to consider all the options there are and get a better understanding of the situation. Having backstory gives you a better perspective, but yeah as long as you don't word your question in a way they make the member feel worse.
Absolutely agree, in general "why" questions feel accusatory, and it's better to avoid them when possible. These are all things I also don't like getting on my member account.
I also dislike getting generic questions that make it seem like I haven't tried basic things, which are also masked attempts at advice. Example: if talking about relationship stress, the question "have you talked to them about it?" I get the intention behind it, but makes me feel like they think I'm just complaining without having tried my own solutions already.
I also particularly dislike the "terms of endearment", (like dear, hunny, darling, etc), they feel so belittling, and uncomfortable coming from a stranger
As well as the religious input (eg. "God loves you"), especially when a listener did not ask prior if I was religious or not.
All little things that can make the experience feel not so great
