Rumors and Gossip: How to protect our community from such behavior.
Hi there everyone! Recently there has been some concerns being raised and lots of murmurs going around that spread negativity into our community so I wanted to talk to you all about rumors and how they impact our community and ourselves in a bad light.
What are rumors/gossip?
Rumors and gossip are in many ways natural parts of human interaction, yet when we allow negative comments to float around our community we are polluting our home and making it less amazing. For the context of this post we will define what gossip and rumors mean:
Gossipâ idle talk especially about the personal or private affairs of others.
Rumorâ a currently circulating story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth.
How are Rumors and Gossip hurtful to us as a community?
Rumors and gossip are hurtful because they are bias information being spread around without the consent of those involved. They damage trust, bring negativity and cause many hurt feelings. This is not what our community stand for, and I (nor any of you) should tolerate these interaction in a place where support, empathy and compassion is the focus.
Sometimes it's hard to imagine the lasting impact a few words (not even said to someones face) could cause. So join me in this little analogy to help you visualize what rumor and gossip can feel like:
Once there was a foolish woman in a small village, who spread some gossip about another woman in the village. Before long the foolish woman began to feel remorse about what she had done, so she went to the wise man of the village to ask him what she could do to make things right. The wise man listened carefully to her story, thought for a moment, and then told her to go to the market and buy a chicken. On the way home from the market she was to pluck that chicken letting the feathers fall along the path. The next day she was to come back and see the wise man again. The foolish woman did as the wise man suggested. She bought a chicken and plucked it on the way home. When she came to him the next day she told him that she had done what he asked her to do. The wise man said to her, Now, I want you to go home today by the same road you took yesterday, and pick up every single feather you dropped along the path. The woman was distraught, and protested that there was absolutely no way she could find and pick up all those feathers. The wind would have surely blown them everywhere! The wise man quietly responded, You are correct...and you see, just as you can never retrieve all those feathers, there is no way you can ever restore the reputation of the woman whom you harmed with your words. The Chicken Story â A Tale of Regret (found here) Originally attributed to Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev
What things to do when you want to handle gossip and rumors in a healthy way?
Before we go into the things you can do, let's talk about what you shouldnt do:
âDont react aggressively towards it, or the person telling you the rumor
âDont spread rumors and gossip yourself or to get back on someone
âDont encourage it, you might have not started it but by being passive to it you are also contributing to the problem.
If it's about you, you can:
âStay calmed and take a step back before reacting
âConfront the source and use conflict resolution skills
âUse the reporting tools (learn more about those here)
âBe willing to clean the air and move forward after it has been addressed.
If you hear a rumor not related to you:
âRemind the person that told you this rumor or gossip about our guidelines (Specifically #2)
âUse the reporting tools (link to more information here)
âReach out to our community managers: @Heather225 @Hope and @ASilentObserver about them
âLead by example: Be honest, open and transparent in your interactions.
thank you so much for this useful post! Will definitely share this around <3
aww glad to hear you find it useful @Ace13 
I totally agree gossip is unacceptable!
thanks @peacefulSoul8 ! Keeping our community is a team effort :) thank you for being willing to do your part to make sure its a comfortable place for everyone!
Thank you so much for this post. I loved the chicken story. I hope the gossips and rumour monger's read and take heed!
yay! I'm happy to hear you liked the chicken story, I though it made a great analogy and just couldn't help but want to share it with everyone haha
Thank you for working hard on making our community a more welcoming and safe place for everyone <3 @bouncyShoe77
@Iara thank you, we needed this. Rumors often make people really uncomfortable, and reporting them is always the best option.
When we hear a rumor about a person, is it a good idea to tell them someone is talking on their back?
It probably isn't, yet I'd prefer to be told - I don't want anyone to feel creeped out or change their mind about me without me being aware of that. I'd like to have the possibility to deny rumors.
Also, how can we distinguish spreading rumors from gossiping if we have no idea whether what we hear is true or not?
It would depend on the rumor and how comfortable you would be in telling someone as well as your relationship with the person. If there is a rumor spreading about someone specifically, then it might be better to bring up to a CM first to let them know that the rumor is going around the community and should be discussed with the individual to let them know what is going on. That way, it doesn't end up with pointing fingers, put anyone in any weird crossfire, and is addressed.
To me, rumors are more about larger bodies. For example, there was a rumor about mute reports a while ago that was false. They're usually along the lines of negatively impacting the perception of someone/something or trying to spread information that can hurt someone. Rumors are sometimes spread with good intentions, but just have a negative consequence on the community.
Gossip has more to do with individuals and social situations. It can be about what someone did, a report and how it was handled, etc. A lot of times, gossip is spread about who has offsite contact, how someone has behaved, what someone said, etc. Gossip usually isn't done with bad intentions, but to tell someone something like "omg guess what happened!"
Either way, both should be avoided. If they occur, it should be brought to the attention of a CM.
@Kane & @Iara thank you for answering, you both gave very informative responses. You're great (:
Hi @Ila ! Those are actually great questions! I do understand that one does feel tempted to share the news we hear with others we care about, specially when its about someone we know and are closed to but as @Kane suggested the best thing to do is take it directly with a Community Manager. When we hear rumors, we take the time to listen and hear the sides of the story, we look for confirmations and all the data we can find before make a decision, so if there is a rumor going around about xxx listener, they will have a chance to directly address it with us when we reach out to them :) This doesn't just protect you, or anyone that reported, but also provides a clear and direct space for the victim of the rumor has a chance to talk about it.
I think Kane covered most part of your worries, so thanks Kane 
@Iara
Totally agree with everything you've said in this post. I am always behind making this community as supportive as possible, and rumors and gossip destroy the collective bonds that form simply through participation in this community.
I think we need to be a bit more vigilant about this, overall. Though rumors and gossip do often happen in life outside of 7 Cups, we need to implement guidelines that demonstrate that that kind of behavior is *unacceptable* here. Listeners are held to high standards, and it's unfortunate that this has to be said - but thank you for your very concise and thoughtful post.
Lee.
@ItsLee thanks! I'm glad to hear you agree and definately its something we have to work on as a community and as individuals :) 7 cups is a team effort! GO TEAM!
Thank you for your post @Iara! This is an important reminder to the entire community. I especially like the lists of what to do & how to manage rumors - very helpful!
aww thanks @Laura ! Problem solving is something I enjoy to do and thought e don't always know the answer right away having some guidelines and suggestions on what might lead to the right choice would definately help lessen the impact of rumors and gossip in our community :D
In total agreement
This post is very much appreciated. I believe many members and guest view their chats as a safe haven from the "drama" or rumors and gossip of their everyday life. Listeners have the responsibility to nix these behaviors right away!
@Live2laugh4others great point! Our members and guest come hear from all sorts of life stories they are looking for asylum, for a place to feel safe and comforted, and gossip and rumor takes away the peace and compassion within our community, we should never tolerate that behavior or allow ourselves to forget why we came here and have stayed here for.
Thank you so much @Iara. This is extremely helpful. (:
@Kash216 aww thanks for reading ^_^
