What's wrong with me?
I must be the master of hypocrisy.
Every day I talk to people who are struggling with all sorts of things, whether on this site or elsewhere. I've helped my friends out of suicidal moments and out of dangerous situations, and i do my best to make sure everyone i help knows that i care for them. I make sure they feel loved and do my best to help them feel happier.
So why can't i do that for myself?
While I'm helping others get better, I find myself progressively getting worse. Slipping back into old habits, succumbing to old addictions and desires. My suicidal thoughts have returned, but at the same time im too scared of dying, so i"m always a little ball of anxiety, because in addition to my life being stressful, death is also very, very stressful to me, and i end up having a panic attack almost every single day. I'm throwing myself into dangerous situations just because of a chance that I'll find temporary relief. I cant do anything to make myself feel better or happier or loved. Everything I've done to help others isn't working for me.Nothing is.
I need help from others.... Do you guys have any suggestions?
I feel the same way :(
I feel exactly the same open arms make me have a closed heart
@ChainedWings - I can definitely relate. I think it's often easier to hide behind helping others than to work on ourselves. One thing that I try to do is to make myself speak to myself as I would to a good friend. That means no hateful things about how awful I am, no ignoring my advice and going with what I know is a bad choice, generally trying to act as though I am talking to someone else and then working to internalize that kindness that is easier for me to give to others.
And remember - you are worth far more than the value you place on yourself, and you deserve support, from others, but also from yourself. Take care
Hi
You are extremely brave and honest in your post. Every one needs to be cared for, including carers. Give yourself the space and time to look after you.
@ChainedWings I feel exactly the same way even more now. It's about taking a stand for yourself, saying no sometimes, taking care of yourself first, and not spreading yourself too thin around other people. If only i could do all of that myself.
Look at what you just typed.
You help people, you go above and beyond to ensure that they know they are loved and cared for. You make sure they are taken care of.
You are a hero.
The world needs you and more people like you.
I used to feel the same way, but then I realized that I have truly accomplished a lot. More than most people have. Even though I have bad days / times, I am now no longer acting on my depression. I need to be a good example for people like me. :)
I hope this helps you all to feel better!
You know, a lot of people are going to relate to what you just confessed here.
I feel that way myself, often. But then I remind myself - if people like us disappear ... that is one less person willing to do what needs to be done.
If you'd ever like to speak 1on1, you're more than welcome to contact me. Keep positively impacting your virtual and physical surroundings - you're awesome and you deserve the peace of mind you're after.
Much love, family.
- Jaali
