Building Self-esteem Series: The FAST way
Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well. Last week we talked about what is self-esteem and what it impacts. We had quite a few responses where people shared how they can benefit from an increase in self-esteem, reflecting on how self-esteem plays a role in the success of people they look up to. You can participate in the post here.
This week we will explore one way we can start working on improving our self-esteem. It is the FAST method, rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. What is interesting about this approach is that it allows you to make decisions when faced with everyday choices to ultimately improve your self-esteem by being true to yourself.
FAST Acronym
- F is for Fair – Be fair to yourself as well as other people. It’s important to learn that your needs are just as important as someone else’s. This is also about being assertive and learning to speak your truth.
- A is for Authentic – Don’t apologize for having an opinion or disagreeing with others. This does not mean you have to be rude to others but you can disagree respectfully.
- S is for Stick to your values - Don’t compromise or abandon your values trying to please others or conform.
- T is for Truthful - Be truthful and don’t make excuses. Be honest and don’t exaggerate or tell little white lies.
Here are some more narrowed-down examples/applications:
- F (Fairness): Someone in your group keeps making plans without considering your availability. Speak up! Suggest alternative times or activities that include everyone's preferences. Remember, your needs matter too.
- A (Authentic): Don't be afraid to show your true feelings, whether it's sadness, anger, or joy. Bottling up emotions can be unhealthy. If a friend upsets you, you are allowed to express it. If they did something great, you are encouraged to recognize it.
- S (Sticking to values): Spend time working with a cause you care about, like animal welfare or environmental protection. Contributing to something bigger than yourself aligns with your values and builds self-worth.
- T (Truthfulness): If you disagree with someone's idea, be honest and provide constructive feedback. Offer alternative solutions while remaining respectful of their perspective.
You can answer a minimum of two of the following questions or you can answer all! (The instructions apply to everyone who is working towards the braving self badge)
- Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
- Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
- Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
Attention: At the end of the series, there will be a short quiz/form to fill out to avail of the badge and show that you have understood the content of the series and have applied the techniques shared. Over the next few weeks, please note down specific situations where you have applied the FAST method. It can even be a few words! This series is more of a workshop than consuming content, for it to benefit you, you will need to apply the methods/techniques and partake in the exercises.
Note: Due to the nature of some of these prompts, we encourage listeners to switch to a member account to participate in the series to benefit fully. If you prefer your listener account, you are welcome! But please maintain the boundaries expected of a person using a listener account and avoid detailed shares of your personal experiences.
This one wouldn't load for me, so I don't under the FAST thing, but I saw the questions from someone who copied them in the comments so I'll answer to the best of my ability.
1. I can't really answer because I can't read the post.
2. Have you ever prioritized someone else's needs over your own?
Yes. I did it my whole life with my mother. I overcame that, but now, for the past 5.5 years, I always put aside my own feelings and thoughts. I couldn't be authentically myself because I thought I would be a burden to my relationship, although I now know that's not true and all I did was create distance. I could have never been afraid to open up and be myself, and things would have been a lot better.
3. Describe a situation where you were fully, genuinely, yourself.
I could always be myself with my old friends and at any concert. I feel genuinely happy in the moment when I can authentically be myself and it makes me feel really good about myself.
Sorry, I mixed up the numbers, I answered 1 & 2, can't answer the 3rd
@Hope
2. Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
I am fully myself in my community. There are people with values that do not align with mine. I don't let this influence or affect me. Over the years, I've learned to overcome pressure because of this. It has helped me to stand strong in the face of adversity.
3. Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
Accepting who you are when with friends or strangers and being proud of your background and achievements no matter how little. Being bold when talking to people about something you believe in or an interest, and not letting their opinions make you lose interest in what you enjoy doing.
@Hope
1. Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
I have encountered situations in my life where I prioritized other's needs over my own. Sometimes it has felt fulfulling in some cases when it was appriopiate, mutually beneficial and reciprocited. When it was not generally it can lead me to feelings of resentment, exhaustion, not respected, taken advantage, disappointment, and being upset.
Setting up boundaries, effective communication, practicing self-care, love and kindness, and self-compassion
2. Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
In the past I felt pressured especially during high school into certain social circles by acting in ways that did not align with my true self and core values. Once I decided to not care and instead prioritize myself and be myself it changed the situation and how I felt towards these circles and my need to go out of the way to fit it.
The outcome of this decide was definitely profound, important and made things completely different. Overtime I was able to find myself, build up my confidence, self-esteem and form more healthier and meaningful relationship. Especially now as an adult who is more self-aware and mindful. Moreover, as this happened I was able to feel more lighter, more at ease in social situations in general and begin to embrace my individuality with pride.
Authenticity can greatly impact one’s sense of self-worth by reinforcing the idea that who we are, without pretense, is enough. Instead of seeking approval through adaptation, authenticity invites acceptance from those who value us for our true nature. This can lead to increased self-esteem and a deeper sense of fulfillment, as it is rooted in the idea that we are worthy just as we are.
3. Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
- At work-setting boundaries with co-workers
- Dealing with a misunderstanding
- Setting expectations with a loved one
- In relationships- navigating conflict
@Hope
Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
Yes, most of the times. For a long period in my life and even to some extent now, I have prioritized people's needs over my own. When I was not aware of my needs, I was much neutral about it. But as soon as I started realizing and understanding myself, violating my needs made me feel frustrated and anxious. I guess, we must give ourselves time to understand what our values are, what do we want in our lives, how do we want to be treated in our relationships etc. Knowing what we want is the first step and then gradually asserting them is equally important.
Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
I had been in a toxic narcissistic relationship for a long time in life, not realizing it. But when I did, I did what I wanted to do! I remember, there was an event where I sang, dressed according to my taste, gave an inspiring speech and shared my heart out with the audience in the presence of that person without any fear or discomfort! That day is one of the best days of my life because I was me! And I was in love with myself! When we are authentic without fears and misjudgments, we are contented and happy in our own skins! We know that we are worthy and enough the way we are!
Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships
Yes! I have been occupied with some work later and it's quite difficult for me to find time for people and ask about their wellbeing or ensure reciprocity when they do good for me! The time requires me to relish my solitude and prioritize my emotional energy! By being authentic this way and respecting my boundaries without any fear of losing people due to miscommunication or infrequent communication can be handled by these FAST principles!