venting, feel free to hop in
I know i gave up on my dreams because, as one article i read a while ago put it, i got faced with the fact i'm not as smart and capable as i thought i was. I havent been able to willingly put myseft to do anything that had to require some effort ever since i decided to drop out of uni, even before that i couldn't, i had anxiety attacks everyday for a full semester because how much i hated being there and also because i couldnt bring myself to do anything.
I have slowly but surely started to be able to do things again, not even 80% of the stuff i used to do, but i am starting to do certain things and they don't bring me anxiety or at least not as much as they used to.
I feel like a failure in many ways even though i know it's not mostly my fault i can't do things and that i honestly pressure myself to do them if i dont want to, but it's evident for me how incompletent i feel, i subconciously know i am worth something but that doesn't mean i am know i am capable of doing great things.
When i think about doing things that i used to do before, it could be organizing and planning, i feel so horrible and it's like i have this wall i cannot walk through, i feel like i am wasting my time and that nobody will appreciate it, that i'm dumb and i should just smile and nod, that my voice shouldn't be heard.
If i think too much about it i can see how i can relegated myself to the role of the summisive doll, cannot say i hate it because i haven't been negatively affected by it, but i can say i was not like this and while some parts it is an improvement and i don't necessarely feel like i need to improve it, i can see how in the future it could lead me to places that could endanger me.
@WalldenFlower
i feel your story ... i too gave up on things because i was sure i was not capable but in fact now i know i was. anxiety and fear of failure holds many people back.
Fear held me back .... some people do not try or give up if they are not the best at something.... I wonder what I might have done or accomplished had I not let fear rule me. Maybe you just have not found your strengths. I found mine by accident.... not all of us know what we want to do with our lives many of us stumble upon it.
@WalldenFlower
i can relate to ur story.
my dad didn't allow me to continue my studies unless it was in my city. and the only uni in my city didn't have the course that i want. so i ended up doing online uni but dropped out after a year cuz things were tough.
i felt like a failure, i'm working part time not even making minimum wage and i'm about to watch all my old friends graduate with prideful smiles on their faces. it's honestly a shame.
been dealing with depression for years too, thought i'm slowly starting to crawl back out of it. it starts by making small changes to improve ur lifestyle, like exercising and doing ur hobbies. might seem a bit pointless at times but u will see ur mood get better over some time. i hope it'll get better for u too ♥️